Happy New Year and Life Update

Hi all!

*Looks around shyly* Wow, it has been way too long since I have last posted... Honestly, I am somewhat ashamed of myself for not posting in so long but life has been crazy. But God, I have missed blogging and it's a new year, so I want to start things up again. Do you know a big reason why I decided to start blogging again? It's somewhat silly but it's the truth, I was reading this Glee fan-fiction today (I'm still in the process of reading it) and one of the main characters is a blogger. Reading about it just made me miss blogging even more and gave me the push to start it up again. 

First things first, how are you all? Oh, and Happy New Year! Can you believe it's 2014 already?!? How many of you make New Year's resolutions? Care to share any of them? I make them to an extent, but I don't like calling them New Year's resolutions. To me, those are broken too often and people make the exact same ones every year. So I call them my yearly goals and some of them are lifetime goals, to be honest. Here they are:

Get my eating back on track

      Get into an exercise routine

      Pay off all of what’s past due and begin classes again

      Save more money this year

      Don’t sweat the small stuff

      Be open minded and try new things

      Put others first

      Meet new people

      Start cooking again

      Communication

      Focus on the important things

      Find a better paying job and keep it

      Be the light

      Make Amanda proud

      Become the person I hope to be

      Just be happy

      Keep moving forward and never give up

      Decide where to get my Master’s

Okay, so here's the part where I talk about everything that has been happening since the end of July. Get ready for a short novel:

First, I moved back home to Wisconsin. As you may or may not know, my job out in Colorado didn't work out and I wasn't able to find another one. :( At the end of August, my parents came out to get home and we went home. Did I tell you all that I wasn't doing well physically starting toward the end of July? I honestly don't remember, but I'll tell you now either way. It was bad, one day I just got this bad headache (it was pretty much a migraine) and was feeling extreme dizziness. Things just continually got worse over the next few months and the dizziness didn't go away until November, I believe it was. The headaches are still here but I'm trying to handle them and it's much easier without the dizziness. But it was to the point where I could barely do anything, I honestly just laid in bed all day in the dark and the only sound was my fan. 

God, those last few weeks in Colorado were bad. My debit card number had been stolen and so they had to shut it down and I didn't have access to any money. This was horrible because I barely had any food in my house. The last few days before my parents came to get me, I was only able to eat a few tablespoons of peanut butter each day. I lost a lot of weight in August (sadly I've gained it all back and then some now), I was down about 15 pounds or so that month. Once my mom got there, she bought a little food so we could eat and I ended up getting sick because I was finally eating properly again. It was not a fun drive back to Wisconsin with how I was feeling. The second day, we had to postpone leaving by over an hour because of how horrible I felt. 

Second, I broke up with my ex-fiancé back in the beginning of October. It was a difficult decision but then again, it wasn't. I loved him, no doubt about it but there was something deep down inside where I knew that it wasn't right. The main problem was that we would have to get married within 90 days of him being here and I just wasn't comfortable with that idea. You know, what if we wouldn't have hit it off in person? I wanted to be able to actually date someone in person and get to know them, spend time with them and ultimately get engaged and married but not on the government's time frame for us. Also there was something that hurt me, I guess you could say, and it played a big role in why I broke things off. There were many times where I would ask him, "why do you love me?" and he couldn't give me a concrete reason. Nothing, not a single physical or emotional trait. I could list off so many things for him but he couldn't even give me one. It hurt me and caused me to doubt his "love" for me. I honestly thought he and I were done communicating, but them on Christmas he messaged me on Facebook and said some horrible things. Not the best way to start my holiday, but it is what it is, I suppose. 

Third, I started babysitting my youngest two nieces (the twins) for my brother and sister-in-law during the day because my SIL got a job with the school where my mom teaches. The pay isn't wonderful but at least I have a little extra cash and I get to spend time with two of my favorite little girls every week. :) Don't get me wrong, those little girls can be handful sometimes but I wouldn't trade this for the world. I never got to bond with my nephew like this and you can tell. It saddens me honestly, he loves me but he'd much rather spend time with other family members. Not my girl’s though, they love their aunt Sara. I will never regret being able to spend so much time with them and building the relationship that we have. 

Fourth, I haven't been able to take classes for months and it's killing me! Why you ask? Well, I have to pay off this past due amount from this past semester and the summer semester, but I can't take classes again until it's completely payed off. Honestly, it makes me mad. I have a butt-load of financial aid available to me for this spring semester and I probably won't even be able to use it because of the payments that I have to make. Why on earth can my financial aid not just go into paying that off what I owe and then I can take classes again? I'm already a semester behind in my plan because of the stupid headaches/dizziness that I had last year and this is only pushing me back even further. I was supposed to be graduating in May of this year and now I have no idea when graduation will come. All I want is to be taking classes again, ugh!!

Finally, we get to December; it was a freaking crazy month, in both positive and negative ways. I might as well start with the negative. On December 12, my grandmother (dad's mom) had a massive heart attack and was in the ICU, it didn't look good right away. We were told to go and say our goodbyes, I was never close to her, but it brought back memories from Amanda's death. But things started to look up, she had a really good night and we were hopeful. Sadly, things took a turn for the worst and she died the next day (Friday the 13th). It turned out that she never really took good care of herself, she always put others first, especially my grandfather. His health hasn't been the greatest for a while, it stressed her out a lot, and I have no doubts that it played a role in her death. Her funeral was on December 18th and it was hard. Honestly, I feel bad. Her death wasn't hard for me because it was her that died, but it was because the last death and funeral I experienced was Amanda's. Does that make me a bad granddaughter? 

Anyways, the next day (the 19th) was my father's birthday. Amazingly, my dad's taking his mom's death really well. But when we were at the hospital the day of her heart attack it was tough. It was the first time I ever remember seeing my father and grandfather cry. That was also the day that I saw my grandparents be affectionate around us, which never happened. They had been married for 60 years and 1 month so they just knew how they felt and didn't show it around other people. Anyways, back to the crying thing. When my mom and I got to the hospital I saw tears in my dad's eyes, I had literally never seen him cry before, my mom told me about 2 other times that he's cried (that she knows of) and they both involved me. The first was at my birth and the second was after my car accident. It was really tough, that in itself made me start to cry. You know, my mom and I may not see eye to eye with everything but I love her so much and I can't even imagine losing her. My grandmother's death did have good things become of it though. My brother and I rode of the burial site together and we just talked, that doesn't happen often. It made me realize even more just how much my brother means to me and how much I miss him. 

Okay, enough sadness, now onto the happiness that December has brought me. A few days before my dad's birthday I got a text from this person who I hadn't really talked to in a few years. He's a complete sweetheart. You know, I never gave him a chance a few years ago because we're different. He is a country boy, through and through and I'm definitely not country. Jeremy's a farmer, he lives out in the country, listens to country music, very much into agriculture and pretty much anything country. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the exact opposite of that. I'm a city girl (maybe not a big city but city nevertheless) and I try to be more sophisticated and I love musicals, Broadway, and that sort of thing. Long story short, I never gave him a chance because I judged him based on petty things. Well, I'm giving him a chance this time around. We started dating on my dad's birthday and I really like him. :) He makes me happy and it's nice to be able to spend time with him in person and also through texting. We're still learning about each other but it's going good so far. I'm excited to see where this is heading and who knows, maybe I have a future with him. 

This topic is one that needs to be address but I really don't want to. My weight loss (or gain in my case, currently). Even since my headaches/dizziness, I haven't been doing well. At first, I wasn't eating enough and I almost down to 250 pounds, which was my goal for this year. However, once I started eating properly again, I gained it all back and then some. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty depressing. I looked at a chart of my yearly weight loss and I am down about 11 pounds this year and it's better than gaining but it's not what I hoped. In August, I was down to 250.2 and I ended up at 278 to end the year, it's disappointing. Don't get me wrong, a loss is better than a gain, any day of the week and I'm in size 20 pants all around. That's exciting to me, because I'm still 4 pant sizes down from my heaviest and I've still lost weight. I'm not giving up, I'm going to fight to win this battle. 

Starting Weight: 315

Last Weigh-In: 266.8

Current Weight: 278

Total Lost: 37

So, my game plan?

1) Starting counting calories again

2) Begin an exercise routine of some sort (at least 4 days a week)

3) Carb cycling, it helped a ton before and I felt so much better

4) Continue to blog on a consistent basis

5) Come up with a list of goals for this year

6) Just keep fighting no matter what. Never give up

Wow, okay. This turned into a short novel, sorry about that. In my defense, I had a lot to cover. I promise that you all will hear from me again soon! I love you all! So until next time!

~Sara~

Quick Update and Confession (Day 666)

Hi all!

Happy Friday! How are you all today? This is going to be a really short post but I just wanted to check in and see how you all are doing. I've had an extremely busy day... worked out this morning, Skyped with Abid for a little bit, finished 1 of my finals, had to go to the library to print something out, had an interview, and a little more homework once I got home and 2 long conversations, one with my best friend and one with my mother. Even though I should have been working on my homework, it was nice to talk with them.

Today was a bad eating day for me though... I went way over my calories (700 calories over) because of stupid Panera Bread (where my interview was held) and I made a bad choice when I wanted something sweet. It is what it is. And I calculated it all out and as long as I stick to my goal tomorrow, I will still be 2000 calories under maintenance level. So that is encouraging and I'm going to do a kickboxing workout which will burn major calories and no eating back my exercise calories tomorrow. It'll all work out and I won't let one night of bad eating ruin the entire week.

Anyways... I have a lot of reading to do for my final, hopefully I'll finish the first one tonight before I head to bed. Tomorrow's goal, finish all of my reading for the final and write most if not all of the final. It'll be a challenge, but it needs to be done by Sunday. Time to get back to homework before I head to bed. I hope you all had a wonderful day and are having a great evening. So until next time!

~Sara~

Raw (Day 650)

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all today? The week is halfway through already, crazy, huh? It is a beautiful day here but it is starting to warm up again. The past few days have been amazing temperature wise but it is July, so I should expect 80 and 90-degree weather. Oh and just a quick warning, I'm going to be pretty raw today and much of my writing won’t be the happiest.

I had a phone interview yesterday and it went wonderfully. My interviewer wanted me to have an in person interview with the next person in line next week. :) I am quite hopeful for this job, it would be amazing. Please be thinking and praying for me about that, I would greatly appreciate it. This job would mean more to me than having a job, it would mean having a routine and being able to better control my eating.

Time to be honest: I know that the other day I posted a blog about refocusing and I truly am trying to but the afternoons and evenings are hard. My mornings are filled with Starbucks and Skyping with Abid but I spend the rest of the day by myself. I try to keep myself preoccupied with homework and other things but it gets lonely. And what do I do when I am lonely? I eat… it is not something I am proud of but it’s the truth. I was stupid and bought a little snack type food, thinking that I would be able to control myself. I am not to that point yet though. So no more snack food in the house for me, I know that I cannot control myself with it yet. I just really need to get back into a good routine and I have not been able to find one when I am not working.

It doesn't help that I'm missing Abid like crazy; it’s been getting harder to be apart. I mean, I’m in this new chapter of my life and he is a part of it. But I want him to actually be a part of it, not just over Skype or on the phone, in person.  I want us to start our life together and really be a family. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to have someone in my life who loves me just as much as I love him. And I'm incredibly thankful that he is in my life but it’s hard.

Sorry I'm so down today, but this is just something I need to get out. None of us are happy all the time though. One thing I love about blogging is that I can be raw and emotional. But it’s homework time, like usual. :) Have an amazing day everyone. So until next time!

~Sara~

Non-Scale Victories (Day 644)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How are all you lovely people doing today? I am doing well on this beautiful and hot Colorado day. Sitting at Starbucks again, working on homework and of course writing to all of you. :) Any exciting plans today?

I had a second interview at a university yesterday about at Admissions Advisor position and I'm feeling unsure about how it went. But I've also been applying to somewhat similar positions with other universities as well. This type of job would be absolutely perfect for me right now and I'm praying that I will be able to get one of these positions. I know that God will provide something for me and I am sure this is a learning experience for me, but within a few months the money that I have will run out. I'm not all that worried right now but no matter how cautious I am with my money it will run out. So please  be thinking and/or praying for me and that a job will be provided for me soon.

It has been really nice, Abid and I have been able to have 2 decent Skype dates the past 2 days. He makes all of this a little bit easier but good Lord I miss him so much. I really wish that he was here with me, hopefully later this year we will be together. Oh, did I mention that I tried on wedding dresses the other day? My friend Ashley told me to get out of my comfort zone with dresses and try on some that I typically wouldn't. And I found one that is absolutely not me at all and I fell in love with it. At this moment, that is the dress.... it is so gorgeous. I wasn't able to get a good picture of it but it is a floor length, a-line halter dress with an lace overlay and beaded embroidery. When Ashley and John come visit me next month I will be trying it on again for them, and hopefully I can have one of them take a picture of it. If any of you know me, you would know that I'm not a crier and I almost cried in this dress. It goes perfectly with our romantic wedding theme. Ahh! :)

Since it is Thursday, it's time for some NSV's! I know I haven't linked up in a while but I thought I would today.

1. I'm staying positive even though my original job did not work out.

2. I am not eating emotionally as much

3. My eating is getting more under control in general

4. I'm drinking more water again

If you have some to share, make sure to link up with the lovely Katie and Ashlee and then go and visit others to read about their NSV's. 

Time to get back to my homework. But I hope you all have an amazing day! So until next time!

~Sara~

Updates (Day 643)

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all doing today? Before I say anything else, I want to wish my mother a happy birthday! Love you mom! It has been so long since I actually sat down and wrote a decent sized blog but I am excited that I am able to today. Things have been absolutely crazy since I moved let me explain:

I moved into my apartment 9 days ago and I love it here! On Tuesday of last week, I started my job and it was horrible. I worked again on Wednesday and I was in so much pain that night that I did not sleep at all. Thursday I emailed my boss and told him that this was not a good fit for me and I started searching for new jobs. On Friday, I had an interview at a University here in town to be an academic specialist, which went really well. On Monday, I received a phone call from them for a second interview, which is later today. I am praying that it will go well, because this job would be amazing. I have such a passion for education and helping people make the best decisions for themselves regarding school. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers today regarding that.

Anyways, my Internet still is not set up because I am waiting on my modem. It stinks though; I have to go out to use the Internet, which is an almost daily thing, because of my homework. Thankfully, I have been able to get everything done on time and I only have a few more weeks of this summer session left (including next week off for the 4^th). Then next session I only have one class, which will be better for when I do start working. And then when fall sessions begin, I finally get to start my psychology classes! :) I am excessively excited for those classes to start, but I will finally be taking classes for my actual degree. I see the light at the end of the tunnel for my Bachelor’s… less than a year left. :)

It has been insanely crazy since I have moved but I love it. It is so beautiful here and I will upload pictures of my apartment and from my move as soon as I can. Thank you all for being patient with me. I miss you all! And good Lord, I miss Abid too. We haven't been able to Skype as much because I don't have Internet at home. Oh well, we will get through this, it will only make us stronger. I do wish he was here with me though. :( But I have homework to get to. I hope you all have an amazing day! So until next time!

~Sara~

Anniversary, Recap, Weigh-In and Busyness (Day 627)

Hi all!

Happy Monday! How are you all doing today? It is officially the last beginning of the week before I move, scary! I have so much to share with all of you! My weekend was absofreakinglutely killer and I cannot wait to share that with all of you!

But before I get into my weekend, I need to say this. Happy Anniversary, Abid! Thank you for the most amazing year of my life and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you! I love you more than words can express! That's right guys, today is our 1 year anniversary! It's hard for us to not actually be together on our anniversary but next year (hopefully sooner). Nevertheless, I feel so blessed to have Abid in my life. He truly is the love of my life, my best friend and most amazing man I have ever met in my life. 

As you may know, I went to the House of Blues Chicago on Saturday to see Darren Criss and Theo Katzman perform. And I knew that the show was going to be amazing but it exceeded my expectations. I cannot even begin to describe how freaking amazing that show was, not to mention that I met some amazing people while waiting in line. 

My line buddy, Ron John :)

We were rockin our Darren Criss jellies :) This dude was seriously awesome, he made the 6.5 hours waiting outside much more fun. Plus I met some amazing ladies who were standing in front of me as well. Everyone was amazing. Oh and I have to say, Darren is even more attractive in person... which I did not think was possible. :) Here are a few pictures from the show. 

First Song :)

Those eyes

Soul Children Chicago joining him for a song... absolutely amazing

I love his passion

Theo was amazing as well... I jammed out to his CD on the drive home :)
Don't forget to go check him out as well!

Here's the video to Not Alone with the Soul Children Chicago. It was absolutely amazing, enjoy! :)

Oh and yesterday was Sunday, which means weigh-in day! :) Honestly, I had no idea what to expect because last week as freakishly crazy. I was writing my final all week and was finally able to finish all my other homework yesterday. Exercise hardly happened at all last week and my nutrition was okay... But I was pleasantly surprised by the results. I lost 5.2 pounds! Holy crap!! How on earth did that happen?!? Not sure how it happened, but I'll take it! :) Eek! I am officially at my next goal... only about 15 pounds until I reach my goal for this year and my all-time lowest adult weight. Hopefully I'll reach that within the next few months. :)

Starting Weight: 315

Last Weigh-In: 270

Current Weight: 264.8

Total Lost: 50.2

Today marks the beginning of another crazy busy week. This week I need to get all of my homework and packing done by Friday night (hopefully sooner). And then Saturday and Sunday will be spent on the road, arriving sometime on Sunday and then moving into my apartment on Monday morning. I cannot believe that a week from today will be my first official day living in CO! 

Alright... this post is long enough. Time to get going on homework and some packing later. Have an amazing day everyone! So until next time!

~Sara~

Busy, Busy, Busy and Anniversary Present (Day 624)

Hi all!

Happy Friday! How are you all doing today? I am so tired of writing my final, it's ridiculous. But once this it is done, I'll finally be back to my normal homework schedule. The past few days I haven't even been able to work out because I've been SO busy with my final and other homework. It's pretty much driving me crazy that my schedule is all out of whack because of this final. I'll get through it but I like to know what my schedule looks like.

Today I sent in an application for an apartment out in Colorado... so please be thinking and praying for me. I pray that I will be able to get into this place, the price is right, it's in a good location (close to both school and work), everything just seems perfect with it. Not to mention that one of the ladies I've been in contact with is absolutely amazing, she has been great with everything. So hopefully I will have an apartment within a few days.

I want to share this picture with you all, yesterday I received this beautiful ring in the mail from Abid. He is such a sweetheart. It is my official engagement ring and it arrived here a few days before our 1 year anniversary. :) I do not think I could love that man anymore if I tried.

Oh and I'm happy to say that this ring is 1 size smaller than my other ring. These 45 pounds have made my fingers shrink... which I am 100% okay with. Did you notice my newest manicure? Burgundy tips... I'm completely in love with them. :)

I am so incredibly excited for tomorrow... coffee with my best friend in the morning (last time I get to see her before I move) and then I'm driving to Chicago to see DARREN CRISS at the House of Blues. :) So do not expect a blog until Sunday or Monday. And believe me, you all will hear about my Darren Criss show. I cannot believe it's almost here... only 1 more day. :)

Okay, so I've had enough of a break from my papers. Time to get back to them and bust through. I hope that you all have an amazing day! So until next time!

~Sara~

Slacker! (Day 600)

Hi all!

Happy Tuesday! How is everyone doing today? It's an absolutely beautiful day here, warmer and the sun is shining. I feel really lazy today, although I did get a workout in. I have homework to do but I'm just not feeling it at the moment. Tonight I do need to get my butt in gear though because I do not want to need to get something done tomorrow because it's due. I want to be able to have it done and just have to post it and be able to work on other homework.

Last night my eating was horrendous. I'm not really sure why, but nevertheless it was not on track. Today is a new day though, that's the beauty of it. Each morning we get to start over, wipe our slate clean. So far today I have done quite well with my nutrition and I'm planning on having a healthy dinner. As I said before, I did get my workout in this morning, walking/jogging intervals and then a circuit training video. Halfway through my workout I got a call on Skype from Abid, so I had to cut my walking/jogging intervals short. But I was very thankful to be able to talk to him, that's two days in a row after a long period of his internet not working at all. :)

Abid is so worried about his visa and us being apart. It's really hard for me because I need to be strong for us, when I worry about it as much as he does. I tell him that we need to be patient and stay positive but the worrying is getting to him. And when he worries so much, it worries me and stresses me out. I just pray that the petition will be processed soon and we will have a positive result from it. Abid and I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers with this!

I suppose, I need to stop being a slacker and get my homework done. Have an amazing day/evening everyone! So until next time!

~Sara~

I Jogged!!! (Day 599)

Hi all!

Happy Monday (and yes, it is very happy)! How are you all doing today? Are you all ready to start the new week? What are you doing to make this week great?

So, I have crazy exciting news I want to share with you and I cannot contain myself. This morning I wanted to try out a new workout, so I went to my collection of fitness videos. I found a low impact one, so I decided I wanted to try it out but it was only 10 minutes. So I did the video and decided that I was going to do some jogging. When I jog, I turn on my playlist and I usually can only jog to 1 or 1.5 songs but not today.

I jogged for 18.35 freaking minutes!!!!!

I still cannot believe it, but I just pushed myself and jogged through 5 songs. My legs were killing by the end of it but I actually did it. I was so freaking excited that I decided to take a picture and share it with all of you (and yes, it's not the most attractive picture, but I was psyched!) In the past, I always made up excuses on why I couldn't run/jog. 

- I'm too fat to jog

- It's bad for my joints

- I just won't like it

Blah, blah blah... Those were all horrible excuses. I've seen people who weigh more than me jogging, so that excuse is out. Yeah, it's not the best for my joints but that doesn't stop other people. Yeah, it will be boring and I probably won't like it if I was only doing it on a treadmill or at home. But if I were to ever go jogging outside, I just may like it. All-in-all, I could be a jogger/runner some day... And that's saying something coming from me. :)

This whole jogging thing was even more exciting because I ate way too much at dinner last night. We ordered this really delicious pizza from my favorite pizza place in town, for mother's day. I don't know why, but I can do so well with my eating and eat in moderation  but when it comes to pizza I cannot control myself. Someday pizza will not have this control over me, I am bound and determined to make sure that happens. Anyways... we ordered the pizza and my goal was to only have one plate (like 3 slices, they are cut into squares). Well, that definitely did not happen. I had more like 10 or 12 squares. Yeah... I'm not proud of that but it is what it is. Today is a new day. 

While doing some thinking this morning, my attitude is different. I woke up and was determined to have a good day. So I decided to workout and have it be a great workout. Now I'm feeling so energized, positive, and happy. I love the endorphins that exercise gives me and I really do need to get back into a exercise routine. When I have one, my mood is happier and I want that back. Yeah... life isn't ideal right now, but there's not much I can do about it. Everything with Abid will workout somehow and me stressing over it, won't help matters any. It's hard for me to accept that I've done everything that I can so far and now it's just a waiting game. This very thing is what I have told Abid more times than I can count... what I need to do is take my own advice. Everything will workout somehow, I know it.

This morning I registered for my fall classes and it's really sinking in. After my fall classes, I only have 7 classes left before graduation! Only 7, that's freaking crazy to me! As long as I take 2 classes every five week, I will be graduating with my Bachelor's in the spring. And in December of January I will be applying for my Master's and God-willing that I get accepted, I should be starting that next fall. It's really crazy to think about but I cannot wait to see where I am by next fall. Who knows where I will be in my weight loss journey, I could be really close to my goal if I keep working hard (and I just realized that as of my last weigh-in, I am now only 110 pounds away from my goal. Much better than the 155 pounds away I was at before :) ). 

But I suppose... this has been long post. And I have a new week of homework to get started on. I hope you all have a wonderful day! So until next time!

~Sara~

Non-Scale Victories (Day 595)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How is everyone doing today? It's cloudy, warmer and it will probably rain today. It sort of reminds me of how I've been feeling lately. I've been really down lately, feeling lonely, stuck, in a rut, plus other things. I don't know... I have so many things that I want to change and so many things that I want to be doing. It doesn't help that Abid's internet connection has been horrendous that past few weeks, we talked on the phone on Tuesday for a few minutes but the last time we really talked was last Thursday. So it's been rough. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends so much, but I wish more of them lived closer to me.

I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been having a few issues for a few weeks. So he's running a few tests... labs and an EKG. I'm hoping that he'll call today with the results because this waiting is stressing me out. At this moment he says I have a stomach bug unless my test results say otherwise. I'm just trying to relax because everything is stressing me out. I always have to be strong... I have a song that comes to my mind that explains how I'm feeling right now. Yes, this is the Glee version but you get the drift.

Glee Cast – Get It Right (Glee Cast Version)

So today I decided to do something that I have not done in a while, linking up with Katie and Lex for Non-Scale Victories Thursday. I haven't done this in for weeks and I don't really have a reason why. Lately I've been really down though and I need to get back to looking at the positives and doing this will be a good start.

1. I got back to carb cycling this week, even though I'm not feeling 100%

2. All of my old size 20 clothes are finally fitting again

3. I have a yearning to exercise (even though the doctor has told me not to until I get my test results back)

4. Even though I've been feeling down, I have not turned to food

5. I have not snacked in the evening at all this week

On a happier note... it is Thursday so that means Glee is on. :) I'm quite excited about it, although it's the season finale and I've read that it is going to be quite emotional. If any of you know me, you'll know that I'm not much of a movie/TV crier but I guess we shall see this evening. But it's time for some homework. So until next time.

~Sara~

Dreams (Day 579)

Hi all!

Happy Tuesday (even though it's inching closer and closer to the end of it)! How are you all doing today? It was a very cold and dreary day here. Sorry this post is coming so late but honestly this morning, I had nothing to talk about. But this afternoon a topic finally hit me. Today I am going to talk about dreams. I'm not sure why I have this yearning to talk about dreams but it's what is on my heart today.

We all have them. Many times they change throughout our life, I know mine have. We have dreams for our family, love life, career, the list could go on and on. Let me give you some examples.

Before

Family
I wanted to get married to the man of my dreams (a complete different dream than I have now). We'd have two kids, a boy and a girl. Live in a small town with an average house. Our kids would be smart, creative, musical, athletic, and ultimately happy.

Love  
I wanted to marry this perfect man. He would be smart, musical (singing), funny, caring, romantic, sweet, family-oriented, tall, dark hair, blue eyes, older than me, all-American kinda boy. You get my drift.

Career
I really wanted to be an elementary school teacher (my mother is one) while growing up. Then I wanted to go into a medical field of some sort during my middle school and high school. But then for a short time after high school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And finally I decided on marketing, but obviously that didn't last. :)  

Now

Family

I do still want to get married to my dream man (working on that one). But now I want to have 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys, or however many God wants to bless me with. We'll live in a bigger city and have a beautiful home. Our kids will still be all the things I hoped for before, and they will be so much more. I will love them no matter what they choose to do for a living or for whoever they choose to love. They will be cultured and brought up well, learning the difference between right and wrong.   

Love

I still want to marry a perfect man, but he doesn't exist. But I will marry a man who has flaws, yet is still perfect for me. Abid is that man. But hey, it could be Darren Criss as well. If he came knockin on my door, I wouldn't be upset. *hint hint Darren* See, how gorgeous is he? And yes, I realize the picture I chose may not be the most attractive one of him that there is, but I love it because it shows his fun-loving and dorky nature. :) 

My dream man has a lot of the qualities I wanted then but so many more things. He is smart, musical, funny, caring, romantic, sweet, family-oriented, outgoing, courageous, dark hair, beautiful eyes and smile, average to thin build, average height, can speak a foreign language, and is not an all-American kinda boy (the opposite actually). 

Career

My dream is to be none of the things that I said before. I will become a Marriage and Family Therapist and I will make an impact on people's lives. Becoming a counselor is something that I cannot wait for, there is a ton of hard work involved to become one but it will be worth it. 

As you can see dreams can change. Almost everything for me has changed from childhood to adulthood. My ideal family has changed. My ideal man has changed somewhat. My career has changed. I now want a fancier big city life, full of culture, unconditional love, laughs, and so much more. 

What I'm really trying to say is follow your dreams no matter what. Never let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish your dreams. If you set your mind to it, you can do anything. You will accomplish great things. Just remember this:

Never give up on something that you're dreaming about, if you try, amazing things could happen. Keep trying, no matter how much adversity you face. It will all be worth it in the end. I will leave you with that. So until next time.

~Sara~

Changes Ahead (Day 574)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How are you all doing today? Yet again, it's been a week since I've last blogged, I hate being "that" blogger". I'm trying to do better but it's difficult while I'm still in Texas. Hopefully today will be the start of blogging on a more consistent basis.

I have been making some changes to my blog and there are a few more to come. The name of my blog has changed from "A Year of Transformation" to "Yearning for More: My journey to becoming the healthy, happy, and successful me". Plus I won a new layout design from a giveaway done by Summer (she blogs at Oh Summer Candy) but the actual blog design was done by Kotryna (she blogs at Girl With a Movie Camera). I cannot wait for my new design, you'll all see it in a few days. :) Let me tell you about the other things I won in the giveaway. First is a large ad space from Erica at Being Erica for 60 days and a Queen Bee ad space from Autumn at Gypsybeee for 30 days. I am super excited for all these changes that are in the process of happening.

As I stated before, I've changed the name of my blog and I want to explain why and what my new name means to me. Mostly, I decided to change my name because this journey is not "a year of transformation", heck, in September it will mark 2 years on my weight loss journey. My new name means so many things to me, I struggled trying to figure out what name I should pick. So many things flooded my mind but each one just didn't describe what I was trying to say. That is until "Yearning for More" came to my mind. I am yearning for more out of my life and I'm on a journey to become healthy, happy and successful in all aspects of my life. I cannot wait to see this change in action.

After a few days of not really being able to talk to Abid, he and I were actually able to have a decent conversation today. It was really nice, to say the least, I've missed him a ton. Plus I was able to see him, that always makes my day better. I was able to talk to his pastor today as well, it was nice hearing things from him as well. They are all excited for me to come and visit there someday, hopefully in the near future. He was telling me how often Abid talks about me and how much he loves me. Even though I already know these things, it's nice to hear from people around him as well.

Well my first class at CCU is almost completed! I cannot believe that it has almost been 10 weeks already. We're currently on week 9 and all I've really got between me and an A are 3 papers (I should be fine with all of them) and 2 discussion posts. As long as I don't bomb those 3 papers, which I won't, papers are my speciality, I will get an A. Currently I have a 97.6%, so I'm not worried. :) I'm really excited about starting my new classes though. My current classmates (well one more like it) have really gotten on my nerves, not to mention that my class has 4 students, including me. That makes our discussion's quite difficult, but oh well. I've learned a lot during this session.

This post is long enough already, plus we'll probably be heading out sometime soon after John gets home from work in a few. So be looking for my new design over the next few days and I'll try to be blogging more.   Have a wonderful day everyone! So until next time!

~Sara~

Crazy News (Day 567)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How is everyone doing today? Sorry this post is coming so late, but it's been a busy day. I'm feeling so guilty about being such a bad blogger, I've barely been posting lately and not commenting on as many blogs. It's been crazy though, I just feel like when I'm here I cannot post as much because I shouldn't be on my computer as much while I'm here.

This afternoon I officially feel like I'm ready to go home. Currently, I feel like I'm not as wanted here as I was before. But I can't go home until Ashley and John buy my plane ticket home. I don't really know anymore... it's been tough while being here. Seeing them together is really hard for me, especially at night. We've sat around and watched Disney movies in the afternoon/evening (yes, we're 90's kids) and it's hard sitting there alone while Ashley and John and sitting like a couple would. I think the hardest part for me is that Abid and I want to be together more than anything else and we want to do those types of things together. *Sigh* We'll be together soon enough, but it's hard to see other couples together doing the things that Abid and I want to do.

Oh and I have a ton of news! My mom called me yesterday and told me so many things. I leave for a few weeks and craziness happens.

1. We have a "For Sale" sign in front of our house!?!

This is craziest for me, I cannot believe that my parents are trying to sell the house. Someone is coming by later this week to see it. I've lived in this house since I was 7 (almost 8), I have so many memories here. But oh well, I should be moving sometime next year. So it is what it is. 

2. Our dog has a new owner now.

My mom has been wanting to get rid of our dog for a long time (my brother wanted her when we were little), our dog is getting older and we just don't have the time and patience to really take care of her the way that she needs to. The other day my grandfather took her to the vet and someone wanted her, so my parents let them take her. So when I get home, I won't have a dog anymore.

3. My mom is not retiring (she was toying with the idea)

On Monday my mom decided to stay at work for probably 5 more years. This year has been tough for her at work, she's not enjoying it anymore (she's a teacher). And her school district was offering some teacher's early retirement but she decided against it. Thank God because I think it would be crazy for my mom to not be working. 

4. My grandfather broke his hip and is now in the hospital

This is rather sad for me, my grandfather is getting older (in his mid-70s) and his health has been gradually going down hill for the past years. He'll be staying in an Assisted Living facility while rehabbing his hip. As much as it will drive him crazy, it will be good for him. My grandfather is a very stubborn man and thinks that he can still do anything and everything he sets his mind to. So it will be good that he has people taking care of him, other than my grandmother. 

So like I said, I have had crazy news this week. It's just been crazy in general. My eating has been off key and I have no idea where my weight is at. I'm excited to step on the scale when I get home. But it's about dinner time, so I need to head out. So until  next time.

~Sara~

I'm back and Happy Easter! (Day 556)

Hi all!

Happy Sunday and Happy Easter! How is everyone doing today? It's been way too long since I've last posted, but I've been staying busy. I made it here to Texas on Thursday afternoon/evening and we've been doing random things since then. But I'm the only one up right now so I thought I'd write a post and update you all. :) I have so much to tell you all. Let me start with Thursday.

My mom and I left our house at about 6:30am to head to the airport because we live about an hour or so away from the city where the airport is. So we got there by around 8am and I went through security, thankfully that didn't take too long. But then I was stuck with an hour and a half of waiting for my first flight. It went by fairly quickly because I have 5 books with me and my new journal. I didn't feel like reading any of my books for school, so I pulled out a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (I’ll get more into this a little later). So then they start boarding for my flight, I get all settled in and we take off. And of course, the lady I’m sitting next to is sleeping almost the whole time (good thing I didn't need to get up). Seriously, I was almost too tall for the plane; I needed to duck my head while I was walking so I wouldn't hit it on anything. All in all, my first flight went well and it went quickly. So at this point I’m in Dallas and stuck there for 2.5 hours, thankfully the airport is big. I went and got some lunch from Subway and then plopped myself down on the ground, ate my lunch and read my book some more. Then it’s time for my next flight, this is a really short flight, only about an hour. But my seating arrangements were much better this time (the plane I was in had 3 rows of seats, A on one side and B and C on the other). My second flight I was in seat A, so it wasn't as crowded. We landed and then I was able to see my friend Ashley and her fiancé John. It was about 4:15pm then, so we went to this store that my friend has wanted to show me. Then we went out to dinner to this yummy Japanese restaurant, one where they cook the food right in front of you. Dinner was delicious. And then they had to go get some groceries, so we did that. It wouldn't have been so bad, but they live over an hour from that city (it’s the nearest one). So we headed back to their place and didn't make it there until almost 9:30 pm  Ashley and I stayed up until about midnight talking and John went to bed almost right away because he had to get up for work early. That about sums up Thursday, it was long, but fun.

Now onto the book I was talking about before, it talks about love and respect (obviously you can tell that by the title), but more specifically how women desire unconditional love and men desire unconditional respect. And more often than not we are not doing things to show each other the thing we most desire. I was ‘taking notes’ in my new journal and writing about a few other things and I feel as if I have learned a lot from the book already. This book is made for people in relationships, typically a married couple but I thought it would be beneficial for Abid and I, even though we’re not married yet. Many times we are almost speaking a foreign language to each other because we are wired differently. Women are typically more emotional and very big on communication; now men on the other hand are not as much. In the book, Dr. Eggerichs talks about some national statistics that were done and I believe it was about 70% (give or take) of men would rather be in an unloving relationship than be in one where they felt disrespected on a daily basis. To me that number is staggering and it really shows how important respect is to men. I have learned so much from this book and I’m not even half way through it yet. It’s sort of funny because this whole unconditional respect concept is something that I have been trying to give Abid even before reading about it. The main example that comes to mind is when he decided to take that job in another city and then we wouldn't have internet on a regular basis. As much as I would have like him to talk to me about it first, I respect him and his decision because I know that he was only doing this out of good will. He was not trying to do anything negative, in fact it’s very much the opposite, he was doing what he believes to be best for our future. The most important thing that I've learned so far though is that we need to give each other unconditional love and respect even if the other person is not giving it back. We do not need to ‘earn’ love or respect; we need to be willing to give it openly and unconditionally. No strings attached.

I absolutely love being here with Ashley and John; I've missed Ashley so much. But it’s hard seeing them together, they make me want to be with Abid even more. I always try to put on a happy face when the three of us are together because it’s not their fault that Abid and I aren't together right now, but it’s still hard. Seeing them together, how they interact, seeing how much they love each other, it just makes me yearn for Abid. I really hope that Abid and I are like that too, just enjoy being around each other, have so much fun with normal day to day things, and have our love overflowing for each other. Honestly, I cannot wait to share these things with Abid. I do really wish he could have traveled with me and just be experiencing all the things I am. Some day that will happen, I just hope that it can be someday soon. That man is seriously so sweet though, he called me yesterday morning while I was waiting for my first flight. He just called to tell me that he loves me, that he hopes I have a great flight, how much he misses me and wishes that he could be with me. Make my heart melt a little more, why don’t ya. :) This is just one of the many reasons why I love that man so very much.

Yesterday afternoon we went to this place called The Canyon, it is a big canyon (surprising, I know :) ) with many walking trails. We hiked 5 miles in 2.75 hours, it was a great workout but very tiring. Well, I've walked a 5K now, plus another 1.9 miles. But I did get a sun burnt on my shoulders, chest and upper back (near my neck). At least it will turn into a tan in a few days. It'll be nice to actually have some color to my skin instead of pale and white. :) 

But I suppose. I should get ready for church and then work on a little homework until we head out. I hope you all have a wonderful day and an even better Easter! So until next time!

~Sara~

Randomness... Excited to travel (Day 552)

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How is everyone doing today? It's been a rather busy day for me thus far, which is why this post is later than usual. But this morning I met up with a friend for coffee and then I walked home and I have been on the phone with my friend that I'm going to visit since then. Plus I still need to pack my clothes, computer, books, and a few other things. On a really happy note, I was able to Skype with Abid today and actually see him for a while and it was a clear picture. :) I was a very happy girl today because of this. I do really wish that he could come with me to Texas and the wedding. It makes us want our wedding to come even more as well. :( I miss him way too much! But he did look freakishly handsome today (not that he's not handsome always). :)

I'm really exited for my travels tomorrow, it will be long day though. My mom and I are leaving at 6:30 in the morning to head to the airport. Then a flight at 10:15 and another one at 3:05ish, finally seeing my friend and her fiance at 4:20ish. We'll be going out to dinner after that and a few other things. It will be nice to have a change of scenery though, just being able to hang out with my friend all day. Not to mention that she is crazy excited that I'm coming down (I was on the phone with her for 5 hours today).

Today I did get some walking in, not my scheduled 2.5 miles but I did walk 1.74 miles. I don't know. I just don't have a lot of motivation today. I've been assured that when I'm in Texas and Colorado we will be walking a lot, so I'll make up for it then. :) I'm pretty bummed though, I have to miss out on my final March weigh-in. I'll just have to do a weigh-in after I get home on the 6th or 7th. Oh well.

Since this blog has taken so long to write, it's just about dinner time now. So I need to go eat and then get all packed. Until next time (which will be from Texas)!

~Sara~

Pit & Peak (Day 547)

Hi all!

Happy Friday, this week has flown by! How is everyone doing today? It's a beautiful sunny day here and right around 30 degrees. Today was amazing, I was actually able to see Abid on Skype! This is huge, I haven't seen him in a few weeks. Plus this weekend is going to be awesome, my best friend is coming home for the weekend. So we get to have a coffee date. :)

Wow, my legs are burning today! I walked my scheduled 2.25 miles, along with some upper body strength. My time is decreasing again, thankfully. Today I walked those 2.25 miles in 54 minutes but 2 days ago I walked 2 miles in 49 minutes. So that's a positive, I'm really psyched about it. Even better, I have 202 minutes of exercise this week alone and 485 minutes so far this month!

I have about half of my paper done so far and I think it will be my best paper yet. Right now I'm trying to figure out what to say next. My professor is much happier now because there has been a bunch of discussion this week (after he threatened to take 10% off our grade if we don't respond more). But nevertheless, the discussion board has been a lot busier this week. It's actually difficult to keep up with every one's posts, because I like to put a lot of thought into my responses, but I'm trying to get caught up with it.

Today I'm linking up with Brin and Allie for Pits & Peaks.

Pits

1. There is still snow on the ground (even though it's "spring")

2. I haven't been sleeping very well lately

Peaks

1. I've walked every day this week

2. I got to see Abid on Skype today :)

3. My best friend is coming home this weekend

4. I've stayed within my calorie goal every day this week

It's nice for me to see so many peaks instead of pits for this week. :) Well I'm out to go keep writing my paper and catch up the discussion posts. Have a wonderful afternoon and evening. Happy almost weekend! So until next time!

~Sara~

Weigh-In (Day 542)

Hi all!

Happy Sunday! Happy Saint Patrick's Day! How is everyone doing today? It's cold here today, but it's still sunny. I really wish it would warm up, it's the 17th of March for goodness sake and it's still consistently in the 20's and if we're lucky low 30's. I'm pretty sick of it. Hopefully it will start warming up, looking at the forecast it looks like it will be closer to 40 starting next Sunday and the following week.

Today was weigh-in day and I was not impressed. I gained almost a pound, but I know it's not legitimate. After calculating all of my numbers, I know I did not eat an extra 3500 calories. Because I exercised 6 days last week and ate under my calorie goal all week. It could be a number of things, water retention, different salt intake, the increase in exercise, eating under my BMR, or a combination of these. Plus I was doing some reading this morning and it said that carb cycling can result in slight weight gain from time to time depending on what the person's levels are.

Starting Weight: 315

Last Week: 285.4

This Week: 286.2 

This weeks weigh-in goes to show you, the number on the scale doesn't mean everything. I didn't reach that 30 pound mark today but I'm not too worried about it. I'm feeling so much better all around now than I did 2 weeks ago. My eating has been healthier and I feel so amazing being able to exercise consistently. I have more stamina while I'm working out and my clothing is fitting better. The number on the scale doesn't matter, I care so much less about it. Now I care more about how I feel and how my clothing fits and how I feel during exercising. Typically, I take Sunday as a rest day from exercise but I decided to walk a little today. So while watching a movie I walked 1.2 miles. :) It felt great, and it's so nice to not have to worry about how far I'm walking but just walking. When I started, I didn't have a set amount of time that I would walk, but it ended up being 28 minutes total.

Last night while I was laying in bed I had so much on my mind and I almost wrote a blog about it last night. It's about Abid, it sucks being apart from him. Every day I pray that the petition will go through without a hitch and that it will happen quickly. But from my research, it could take up to 5 or 6 months to find out if the petition was accepted or rejected. This is the part that's killing Abid and I, we're both just wanting it to be accepted and quickly. We've already been apart for 9 months, so add another 5 or 6 to that for the petition (14 or 15 months). Then if it is accepted who knows how long it will take for the second part of the visa process, I'm assuming another 6ish months (20 or 21 months). So it will probably be close to another year or so before we're together, as long as everything goes accordingly. It could be longer or shorter (hopefully shorter). But that's almost 2 years total being apart and only being able to see each other on Skype or talking on the phone. Oh good Lord, it's so hard. I love Abid more than anything and I know that he is worth this wait but it's just so hard. There are so many nights where I just cry myself to sleep because I feel so alone, especially now that he's working. I know that Abid loves me and that he's struggling just as much as I am, but it's hard staying strong. And that is what I try to do, put on a happy face for him, my family, and my friends. But it doesn't change the fact that it's hard.

On a happier note, I get to register for my summer classes tomorrow. So it will be nice knowing what classes I will be taking next. I'll be busier next session though because I'll be taking at least two classes instead of one and these will last 5 weeks. But I'm up for the challenge. :) I suppose, I'm going to go and pick out my classes now and then work on next week's discussion post. So until next time.

~Sara~

Time to be honest (Day 541)

Hi all!

Happy Saturday! It's finally the weekend, we've made it. :) Any plans for the weekend? It's sunny now that it's the afternoon, but it was snowy and dreary this morning. What's the weather by you like? Tomorrow is weigh-in day, I'm pretty excited about it (not sure if that's good or bad). I have done well this week with my nutrition and exercise so I should see a drop on the scale. I'm really hoping to finally hit the 30 pound mark (I need to lose .4 pounds to reach that). I've hit that mark once before but I gained weight again after, but I'm bound and determined to reach that mark and keep on going. I know I can do it this time!

Before I really talk about anything else I want to be honest about something. Last night I did not do very well. Stress, stress, stress. Gotta love it. I stress ate and didn't log it, but it wasn't a ton. I had maybe 400 calories worth of food but I had over 400 calories left that I could eat. I'm not going to worry about it too much. Plus I would still have been within my carb/fat/protein levels as well. Today I'm doing quite well though, maybe a little too well. My mom and I went out for lunch today before we went shopping, we decided to go to Subway. So I had a yummy salad and some apples, plus 1 tiny bite of a cookie that my mom bought. I'll make sure to eat something more caloric and everything else for dinner.

I was able to talk to Abid for almost an hour this morning, so that was quite exciting. :) He sent me a few more pictures, and he is way to handsome (in my book :) ). Yup, this is the love of my life. The man I cannot wait to marry. :) His hair is getting a little shaggy but he's still handsome. He is way too good to me. Even when we are only Skyping, he is such a sweetheart. Plus just listening to him talk makes my heart happy (I love his accent), especially when he's talking in Urdu. Oh goodness.... but I digress. Needless to say, he's very much my type and I love him way, way too much. :)

Time to go get ready for church and then finishing up my homework for the week. I hope that you all have a wonderful afternoon/evening. So until next time.

~Sara~

Progress (Day 540)

Hi all!

Happy Friday! How is everyone doing today? You've made it through the week, that's a great accomplishment! :) It's snowy here today, but a bit warmer (35 degrees, and yes, in Wisconsin that is warm :) ). I had my doctor appointment this morning and he said that I'm making good progress, but he wants to see me in a month just to make sure I keep progressing. As my doctor said today, it doesn't matter where you are right now, all that matters is that you're heading in the right direction. I think about this with my weight loss/exercise as well, just keep making small changes and they lead to great things.

Today I walked 2 miles! That is huge for me, it took me about 46 minutes (long way for me to go if I want to walk a 5K in 45 minutes). Plus I did more upper body strength training while walking and dang... I can feel it in my arms, especially my shoulders. I did 5 sets of 10 of bicep curls, hammer curls, lateral shoulder raises, chest press, shoulder row, and tricep extensions. Plus another one (I don't know the name of it), I held my weights up near my head almost in a sense that I was flexing my bicep (without the flex) and just held it for 1 minute, I did that 5 times as well. That one I felt the most. It's crazy just how much 2 lb weights can do. Next week won't be too bad, my plan has me walking 30 minutes on Monday, 2 miles on Wednesday, and 2.25 miles on Friday (or whatever day I choose to do each). Plus more walking on the other days of the week. But I'm sure proud of myself for keeping up with this program now. I can't believe that in a few weeks I will be walking my first 5K! Once I accomplish that, I am going to work on my 5K time and hopefully do some more intense cross training.

So yesterday was a high carb day, and honestly my high carb days aren't that high. But it was weird having pasta for lunch and rice/bread with dinner (we put rice in our chili instead of noodles). Oh and then I had plain waffles as an night time snack. They were all really good, and I was still plenty under my carb goals (craziness I tell you)! Actually I was well under on all of my numbers including calories. Plus I found out that the chili we've been having all week will have fewer calories than I originally thought. I put down on the recipe that there are 12 servings, well it will be at least 15 serving for that pot. So my calories, carbs, protein, and fats are a little lower each day than originally calculated. Oh well, it happens.

This morning was amazing, I got up did all the things I had to do to get ready. I came down stairs, made myself a cup of coffee and opened up my computer. To my surprise I had a message on Skype from Abid from a few minutes before! What?!? It said he was offline but I sent him a message back anyways, not thinking anything. But he responded to me, he was online! He was at his friends house and we were able to talk for about 45 minutes (before my doctor appointment). I wasn't able to see him because his friend doesn't have a cam, but I was able to hear his voice and he was able to see me. It was like how it use to be when we talked every day. Oh, it was so nice. He sent me a few newer pictures of himself (he's looking handsome as always). Of course he wasn't smiling in the picture, his excuse was because he's not with me so he can't smile. (Cheesy, I know. But it was cute :) ). I guess it's no different than his "fake" smile in most of his other pictures. He told me that once we're together and we have pictures together, he will do his real smile. He is such a goon! :) (One of the many reasons why I love him).

Today I'm catching up on blogs (I follow so many awesome bloggers). Plus responding to some discussion postings for school. Have a wonderful afternoon/evening everyone! So until next time!

~Sara~

Proud of Myself! (Day 538)

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! We've made it half way through the week, isn't that exciting? How is everyone doing today? It's a sunny day here, it's nice to see the sun today. It's been very dreary here lately, snowy and cloudy. I'm sick of it. Snow, snow, go away, don't come again another day. :) Since I'm just staying at home today, I'm wearing capris and a short sleeve shirt (wishful thinking for Spring :) ).

Last night was horrible, to be completely honest. I cried a lot and thought some horrible things about the people I love most (about how they deserve more than me or would be happier without me in their lives). I was hungry and I was under my food goals yesterday, so I went downstairs and I made a healthier food choice, an Atkins brownie and some grilled chicken. I made those choices even when I was incredibly stressed out and just wanted some ice cream or chips or something like that. I didn't give in to those unhealthy foods. Honestly, I don't remember a time when I chose to eat something healthy over unhealthy in a stressful situation. This morning, I woke up with great pride knowing that I made a good choice for myself in a hard situation. When I woke up, I was feeling okay, better than last night. I got up and did my normal morning routine, and as I was enjoying my morning coffee I got a call from Abid. I saw his name on my caller ID and was so excited but what he told me is good and bad for us. He's heading back to work right now, he was just about to get on the bus and head back. So that means we probably won't be able to see each other on Skype again for at least a month or more.

I just need share something. As I was writing the paragraph above I received a phone call, it was for my parents. It was from Acts 1:8 Ministry, you probably have no idea what they are all about. Well they are a local Christian ministry that is, "equipping Christians to care, share and connect people to Christ worldwide through Christian kindness" (That was taken directly from their website). Well the man that I talked to, Travis, asked if I had anything that I needed prayer for, and after last night and this morning, I definitely did. So we just talked and he prayed for me for about 10 minutes and I experienced God in a way that I never have before. It was the most amazing thing. I have been a Christian for a long time (since I was quite young, I've been on mission trips and gone to countless conferences) and I've never had an experience like this before. I can't even begin to explain my feelings to all of you. It was amazing.

Yesterday I was a little over my initial calorie goal but still under with my exercise calories included in. My numbers were okay yesterday, a little low on my protein but carbs and fats were great. Here's the numbers:

Type	Carbs	Protein	Fats
Total	171	342	142
Used	161	184	87
Left	10	158	55

Not the prettiest picture of me because it's right after my workout. But it felt amazing to really get a sweat on and I felt amazing after my workout (besides my back/hip hurting a bit). Oh and I found out that I won another giveaway! I wasn't winning any and now I've won two within a month.  I won a beautiful journal, I can't wait to receive it and start writing in it. :)

But it's time to go relax a little and read/comment on some blogs. :) Have a wonderful afternoon/evening everyone! So until next time!

~Sara~