Year 1 Day 158 (Day 523)

Hi all!

How is everyone doing today? I want/need to be completely honest with all of you today. Last night was horrendous, to say the least. I ate a little too much around dinner (this isn't the horrendous part), so I went up to my room a little before 7 because my shows start then. I was upstairs watching my shows and working on some homework when all of a sudden I just burst into tears. My stress is getting to me again. The homework load is piling up (which I don't mind) and that's not what I'm worried about. But I haven't talked to Abid in 4 days and haven't seen him on Skype in 3 weeks. And it's definitely getting to me. For about 30 minutes I was talking to myself, saying how food will not make me feel better. But I gave in, I went down stairs and got a big bowl of ice cream. And you know what, it did make me feel better then. Then I cried some more and fell asleep.

Today is a new day, but right after I woke up I was still feeling upset. Part of me just wanted to go eat a lot, but I stopped myself. So instead I went and checked my email/Facebook/school dashboard. As I have stated in a past post, I get a verse of the day from my favorite radio station. Today's verse was absolutely perfect for how I'm feeling. Isaiah 40:31, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." The beginning part of the verse is what really hit me, I do have hope in the Lord and He is my strength. God will get Abid and I through this time apart, and this will only strengthen our relationship. As much as I hate being apart and how hard it is for me, I know that Abid is experiencing the same things. When I get upset like I was last night, I can't help but feel that it's easier for him. Deep down inside, I know he struggles with it as much as I do.

I found this picture this morning and it describes how I'm feeling perfectly. I do fail, and I will continue to fail. But I'm not quitting, not this time. There is this awesome blog that I follow KTJ Weighing In (check out her blog, she is wonderful and so motivational!) she wrote an awesome post today about recovering from a slip up. If you've ever slipped up (and lets be honest, we all have), check out this post. She wrote about 5 steps on how to recover from a slip up from the book, Finally Thin by Kim Bensen. I really want to read this book because I've heard so many positive things about it. I've been pondering on those 5 steps this morning, most of them I can do, but the first one I can't. The first step is to get rid of all of the unhealthy/junk food that isn't on your eating plan. Well I obviously can't do that because I'm not the one who controls what we buy or don't buy. And I'm pretty sure that my dad would be super angry with me if I threw out his chips, crackers, and ice cream. I've asked my mom many times to not buy chips, cookies, ice cream, cracker, ect... She has stopped buying the cookies but she comes up with excuses to why she needs to continue buying the other items. "Dad will be upset if we don't have chips in the house" (which is quite true) "But I always crave those crackers" (so instead of buying 1 box, she buys 3) "When the kids come over, they always want ice cream" (which is true, but that means we have to buy 2 or 3 big containers of ice cream at 1 time?!?) It really drives me crazy. If those foods weren't in the house, I wouldn't eat them. I need to work on my will power when it comes to those foods and I'll get better at it. Right now I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time.

But it's time to get a little homework done before I have to start dinner. So until next time.

~Sara~