Losing Weight is Hard

Hi, all!

So, my fitness evaluation needed to be rescheduled for Tuesday. I know it is only a few days away, but I am a little bummed out that I was not able to find out my results. Oh well, that means I have a few more days to work hard. And let me tell you, I have been working incredibly hard. According to my scale at home, I have lost 12.2 pounds in a month. We'll have to see what the scale at the gym says on Tuesday. Either way, I know that I have made progress because I stuck to my nutritional goals 22 out of 32 days. I am sort of ashamed that in March I had 10 days where I either did not count calories, binged, or just went over. Even though I am ashamed of that, it also shows just how hard I worked the other days out of the month. Consistently I saw my weight dropping, that is a fact because on March 7th, I weighed in at 330 pounds and this morning the scale told me 317.8. The results are real.

Losing weight it hard, I will not deny that at all. If it were just an easy thing to do, I would not have topped the scale at 330 pounds, and I would have been able to keep off the 50 pounds I lost before. It is hard, plain and simple. There are days where I do not want to eat healthily, where I would rather just binge on all of my comfort foods. Or have a big bowl of pasta, a whole bag of chips, a huge bowl of ice cream. Or just a bunch of unhealthy but delicious foods from a fast food restaurant. There is nothing wrong with having pasta, chips, ice cream or fast food. Moderation is the key. To be honest, though, there have been days where I have said, 'Screw it,' I'm going to make a big plate of nachos or eat a big bowl of ice cream. Not to mention that some days I do not want to work out and sometimes I don't. This week I worked out all seven days because I wanted to. But other weeks I only work out 4 or 5 times, sometimes less than that because I just don't have the energy for it. The point is, I'm not perfect 100 percentage of the time. It just so happens that this was an excellent week for me. I ate 3,921 calories under my weekly goal. I worked out for a total of 299 minutes. And had a total calorie burn between food and exercise of 9619. If you don't know, that is 2.75 pounds for the week. Some days in March I did not do well at all, but I still was down 6.2 lbs.

Here's what I want you to get from this long drabble, you don't always have to be perfect! Some days will be bad and some good. Some weeks you will lose 2 pounds, and somewhere you will gain them back. Have more good days than bad. Eat all the foods you love in moderation or find healthier replacements that you love even more. Just stick with it, and the results will come. Slow and steady wins the race.

It is finally the weekend. I am still trying to get used to working again. My job may not be all day at this point but I am still trying to get used to being busier. It will get better when I am in my actual work schedule and not my training schedule. This varying schedule is weird but I will be into my actual schedule within the next few weeks. It will be nice to get my first paycheck on Friday though. My next one will be even better though, so I am excited about May 1st.  

Year 1 Day 158 (Day 523)

Hi all!

How is everyone doing today? I want/need to be completely honest with all of you today. Last night was horrendous, to say the least. I ate a little too much around dinner (this isn't the horrendous part), so I went up to my room a little before 7 because my shows start then. I was upstairs watching my shows and working on some homework when all of a sudden I just burst into tears. My stress is getting to me again. The homework load is piling up (which I don't mind) and that's not what I'm worried about. But I haven't talked to Abid in 4 days and haven't seen him on Skype in 3 weeks. And it's definitely getting to me. For about 30 minutes I was talking to myself, saying how food will not make me feel better. But I gave in, I went down stairs and got a big bowl of ice cream. And you know what, it did make me feel better then. Then I cried some more and fell asleep.

Today is a new day, but right after I woke up I was still feeling upset. Part of me just wanted to go eat a lot, but I stopped myself. So instead I went and checked my email/Facebook/school dashboard. As I have stated in a past post, I get a verse of the day from my favorite radio station. Today's verse was absolutely perfect for how I'm feeling. Isaiah 40:31, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." The beginning part of the verse is what really hit me, I do have hope in the Lord and He is my strength. God will get Abid and I through this time apart, and this will only strengthen our relationship. As much as I hate being apart and how hard it is for me, I know that Abid is experiencing the same things. When I get upset like I was last night, I can't help but feel that it's easier for him. Deep down inside, I know he struggles with it as much as I do.

I found this picture this morning and it describes how I'm feeling perfectly. I do fail, and I will continue to fail. But I'm not quitting, not this time. There is this awesome blog that I follow KTJ Weighing In (check out her blog, she is wonderful and so motivational!) she wrote an awesome post today about recovering from a slip up. If you've ever slipped up (and lets be honest, we all have), check out this post. She wrote about 5 steps on how to recover from a slip up from the book, Finally Thin by Kim Bensen. I really want to read this book because I've heard so many positive things about it. I've been pondering on those 5 steps this morning, most of them I can do, but the first one I can't. The first step is to get rid of all of the unhealthy/junk food that isn't on your eating plan. Well I obviously can't do that because I'm not the one who controls what we buy or don't buy. And I'm pretty sure that my dad would be super angry with me if I threw out his chips, crackers, and ice cream. I've asked my mom many times to not buy chips, cookies, ice cream, cracker, ect... She has stopped buying the cookies but she comes up with excuses to why she needs to continue buying the other items. "Dad will be upset if we don't have chips in the house" (which is quite true) "But I always crave those crackers" (so instead of buying 1 box, she buys 3) "When the kids come over, they always want ice cream" (which is true, but that means we have to buy 2 or 3 big containers of ice cream at 1 time?!?) It really drives me crazy. If those foods weren't in the house, I wouldn't eat them. I need to work on my will power when it comes to those foods and I'll get better at it. Right now I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time.

But it's time to get a little homework done before I have to start dinner. So until next time.

~Sara~