Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Year 1 Day 152 (Day 517)

Hello all!

How is everyone doing today? Just another cold February day here in the great state of Wisconsin. I just returned from physical therapy, my back/hip is hurting like crazy but I won't let that stop me from having a great day. How can it be bad? Abid called me this morning, and after not hearing his voice since Sunday it was much needed. :) Plus I'm happy, because I've been doing a lot better with my nutrition, exercise is still out of the question but I'm doing what I can.

Speaking of nutrition, that made me think about some forums that I've been reading and things in my own life.  There have been so many negative people in my life that have told me that I could lose weight a lot fast if I decreased my calories. In fact, one person told me I should only be eating 1200 calories! 1200!?! When I heard that, I literally told them that they are crazy. I am 5'10.5" tall, I'm a big girl and eating 1200 calories is severely unhealthy. For me to lose about 1 lb/week I should be eating about 2180 calories. To all of those people who think eating as little as possible will cause me to lose more weight, thanks for your advice but I've done my own research. And I've experimented with how many calories to eat and I'll stick with what I'm doing, because it seems to be working.

Last night I was watching a show called, My 600 lb Life, it profiled a few individuals over a 7 year period about their weight loss journey. I watched 2 segments of it and honestly, it really made me think about my own life. When the people and their families were talking about some of their struggles, I could really relate. I understood, to an extent, the pain in their eyes. Now don't get me wrong, I am no where near 600+ pounds, I am half of that weight plus some. So I don't necessarily understand the mobility issues and things like that, but I do understand the pain of feeling like I'm not worth it. Or that I am not normal and that food is my only comfort. Oh believe me, there were days when I weighed my heaviest where I just felt like my life wasn't worth living anymore. But you know, it's all about our own attitudes and confidence. Those are the things that the right people notice and they will want to be with you for those qualities.

One thing that was mentioned a lot in the show was this question, "how did I ever let myself get this big?" This is something that I have questioned quite often. I wonder why when I was 250 lbs in high school, that I didn't do something then. I was a lot closer to my goal then compared to when I started trying to lose weight in 2011 at 315 lbs. Honestly, I know why I let myself get that big. There is no doubt in my mind that it is because of my emotions, I'm an emotional eater. I've had quite a few traumatic things happen to me in high school and directly after, but that doesn't account for why I was always an overweight child. That is my parents, especially my mother, she was my enabler (honestly, she still can be). My family is the type where food is always present, it's what we use if we're happy, sad, lonely, ect... Most of the people in my family are over weight, some not as much as others, but there are hardly any of us on my mom's side that are at a healthy weight. At our family get together, holidays mostly, there is plenty of good food, but even more of an abundance of delicious desserts. It's definitely been a lot harder since I've started trying to lose weight, but I'm getting better and I have no doubt that holidays will always be a struggle for me. But then there's my father, he is tall and thin. He eats whatever he wants and won't gain a pound, probably because he has a very physically demanding job. It stinks though because he always wants to keep ice cream and chips and other things like that in the house. What he doesn't understand is how tempting those things can be to me, not so much the ice cream but the chips are killer. It's amazing that I haven't touched the chips that are in the cabinet this week.

But I suppose. I've been slacking on the paper I've been writing. So I should probably get to it. Until next time.



  1. I really like what you said about other people and their opinions on how you should lose weight/eat. I've been hearing similar things for as long as I can think and its so aggravating. I know I'm not perfect at it, but I do know my own body and I know what I need to put into it in order to remain healthy. Same goes with working out. It can be really hard to tune them out and feel confident that I am in fact doing whats best for me and my body at times, so I constantly have to remind myself.
    Thank you for bringing it up and good luck with that paper! :)

  2. I struggle with emotional eating and it has sabotaged so many of my weight loss efforts in the past. So far, I've been able to distract myself with other things when I get upset or stressed. And you're know your body. You know what your body needs to lose weight/be healthy. Really enjoyed today's post.

    -Sarah @