This Journey is Personal

Hi, all!

It is another hot one here today so I will be spending most of my time inside. As my late post, yesterday stated, I did not binge! That is three days in a row without a binge and I am SO proud of myself! It has been a long time since I have not binged every day. Now I am going on day 4 binge free and I cannot wait to see what the day holds. After I took my walk this morning, I sat down and looked at my numbers from this week. Even with the binge on Tuesday, after my exercise calories and food, the deficit is 2635 calories. It could have been a lot more without the binge but I am counting this week as a win.

One thing that I realized this morning while I was walking is that I love making healthier food choices and working out. My body feels better when I do these things. Before it was hard to see these things because I was continuously fueling my body with tons of extra calories than necessary. All I would eat is high-calorie food, with very few fruits and vegetables. My body was craving something nutritious. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect all the time and I still feed my body junk sometimes. Right now I'm eating a pint of Halo Top Mint Chip ice cream and I'm enjoying all 240 calories of it. But for dinner, I had some stead and peaches, which were absolutely scrumptious. In my nutritional plan, I will not deprive myself of anything. In my past experience, that is when I binge on those things that I want but do not give myself. All I can do is find a plan that works for me.

Well, it's getting late and I am going to finish enjoying my Halo Top Mint Chip ice cream, watching a movie, and spend some time with my husband. Until next time!

~Sara~

Losing Weight is Hard

Hi, all!

So, my fitness evaluation needed to be rescheduled for Tuesday. I know it is only a few days away, but I am a little bummed out that I was not able to find out my results. Oh well, that means I have a few more days to work hard. And let me tell you, I have been working incredibly hard. According to my scale at home, I have lost 12.2 pounds in a month. We'll have to see what the scale at the gym says on Tuesday. Either way, I know that I have made progress because I stuck to my nutritional goals 22 out of 32 days. I am sort of ashamed that in March I had 10 days where I either did not count calories, binged, or just went over. Even though I am ashamed of that, it also shows just how hard I worked the other days out of the month. Consistently I saw my weight dropping, that is a fact because on March 7th, I weighed in at 330 pounds and this morning the scale told me 317.8. The results are real.

Losing weight it hard, I will not deny that at all. If it were just an easy thing to do, I would not have topped the scale at 330 pounds, and I would have been able to keep off the 50 pounds I lost before. It is hard, plain and simple. There are days where I do not want to eat healthily, where I would rather just binge on all of my comfort foods. Or have a big bowl of pasta, a whole bag of chips, a huge bowl of ice cream. Or just a bunch of unhealthy but delicious foods from a fast food restaurant. There is nothing wrong with having pasta, chips, ice cream or fast food. Moderation is the key. To be honest, though, there have been days where I have said, 'Screw it,' I'm going to make a big plate of nachos or eat a big bowl of ice cream. Not to mention that some days I do not want to work out and sometimes I don't. This week I worked out all seven days because I wanted to. But other weeks I only work out 4 or 5 times, sometimes less than that because I just don't have the energy for it. The point is, I'm not perfect 100 percentage of the time. It just so happens that this was an excellent week for me. I ate 3,921 calories under my weekly goal. I worked out for a total of 299 minutes. And had a total calorie burn between food and exercise of 9619. If you don't know, that is 2.75 pounds for the week. Some days in March I did not do well at all, but I still was down 6.2 lbs.

Here's what I want you to get from this long drabble, you don't always have to be perfect! Some days will be bad and some good. Some weeks you will lose 2 pounds, and somewhere you will gain them back. Have more good days than bad. Eat all the foods you love in moderation or find healthier replacements that you love even more. Just stick with it, and the results will come. Slow and steady wins the race.

It is finally the weekend. I am still trying to get used to working again. My job may not be all day at this point but I am still trying to get used to being busier. It will get better when I am in my actual work schedule and not my training schedule. This varying schedule is weird but I will be into my actual schedule within the next few weeks. It will be nice to get my first paycheck on Friday though. My next one will be even better though, so I am excited about May 1st.  

Catching Up

Hi, all!

It has been over a year since I last wrote a post. I am ashamed of myself, and a ton of things have happened since January 18, 2016. The person I am today is not who I was during that post. In fact, I cannot even believe how different my life is now compared to then.

Let me take you back to January 2016. I was living in Seattle, in my second quarter of grad school, and single. Life seemed fairly decent back then, there was not much I had to worry about besides school. I had amazing friends out in Seattle that I met at school and life was good. Then on May 31st I met and started dating this guy named Zak. Little did I know then that he would turn my world upside down, in positive and negative ways. He was volunteering at Safeco Field, working in one of the concession stands with a bunch of other guys. Some of my classmates and I just so happened to be going to a Mariner's game to reconnect before summer classes would begin. The thing is, Zak and I met online, so I had never seen him before in person, but that day in June we finally met. During his break, we met up and were able to spend a few minutes together before he had to get back to work. It was incredible to finally meet him after texting and daily phone conversations for a few weeks.

Zak and I moved in together about a month after we started dating. We had a whirlwind romance for the first few months. We were doing everything together, except when I had a few weeks of summer classes. Honestly, we were both very much in love, and we knew that we had a future together. Zak as had some problems with substances in the past but he had worked through all of that and been clean for over 9 months, so I did not mind. We all have baggage, and his just happened to be substances. Unfortunately, in July he had a relapse, and that threw a damper in things a little, but we worked through it. In August I brought him home to meet my family, we spent two weeks with them before we had to head back to Seattle so I could begin my second year of grad school.

After we had got back, I started my second year of grad school and began interning at a Residential Treatment Facility for Pregnant and Parenting Woman who have had substance use problems. It was definitely hard work because I was working with a challenging population. And it definitely impacted my relationship with Zak, I had school full-time (2 days/week) and internship part-time (3 days/week). It was hard for us. We went from spending all of our time together to very little time together. And around this time I developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Also around this time, Zak relapsed again because he was trying to cope with all of the changes that were happening in our life. That relapse lasted for probably 3-4 weeks, and it drained most of our finances.

Then in November, I began having some health problems. I went into the emergency room and found out that I had strep throat, a kidney infection, urinary tract infection, and gallstones. So I saw my family doctor because I was in lots of pain because of the gallstones and he was no help what so ever. Then two days before Thanksgiving, Zak took me into the emergency room again and it was decided that they wanted to admit me to the hospital and that I will need gallbladder surgery. On November 23, I had my gallbladder removed. My mom flew up to be with Zak and me, and to help me recover from my surgery. It was an incredible blessing to be able to spend Thanksgiving with my mom and Zak.

December rolled around, and I went back to internship and school after recovering from my surgery. Then on December 9th, Zak asked me to marry him, and I said yes. So we told our families and friends, and then I began planning the wedding. We went back to Wisconsin for Christmas, we were only able to be there for 4 days, but I was incredibly thankful to spend that time with my family. The day before we had to head back to Seattle, my mom and I went wedding dress shopping. Amazingly enough, we found my dress! We also found my veil, the bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dresses, my bouquet, and my bridesmaid bouquets. It was truly a fantastic trip.

After getting back to Seattle, real life began for us again. I went back to internship, and then in January, my classes started up again. Unfortunately, at the end of January Zak relapsed again. At that point, my anxiety was through the roof, and I was experiencing anxiety and panic attacks sometimes. Not only that, we were fighting a lot. We were trying so hard to get Zak's substance use under control again. This is the man I love, my fiance, and I did not want to see him destroy his life like that, not to mention our life together. But on February 21st I broke, in every sense of the word. This is hard for me to admit, but I had a nervous breakdown. I called my parents and told them that I needed to come home because I could not live in Seattle any longer. My anxiety and panic disorders had gotten so bad that I had to drop out of school and internship and move home. Zak had a few things to take care of out in Washington, so he moved here at the beginning of March.

We turned a new leaf now. Wisconsin and especially my hometown is a different way of life. Seattle was big, loud, and fast-paced. My hometown is the exact opposite of that, it is small, quiet, and slower. Not to mention that Midwestern people are nicer all around. For me, it is refreshing to be back home, and for Zak, it is a lot different, but he feels at home here already. The midwest can do that to a person though and I am glad that's how it is for him. My anxiety and panic disorders are still here, but now I have a larger support system surrounding me, and I am getting help. Honestly, sometimes you just need your mom to take care of you, and that is how I'm feeling right now. I am incredibly thankful to have such a loving, caring, and nurturing mother. And Zak is great through all of this too. This is a new thing for him, and I can be difficult to deal with when I am in the midst of an anxiety or panic attack. Honestly, I will never understand why he is still with me through all of this because this is not what he signed up for when we started dating. Either way, I am thankful that he is still by my side.

All of that being said, I have not stuck to a fitness or nutritional regimen since before Zak, and I started dating. Honestly, I have not done much exercise or eating right in a few years. Needless to say, I gained all of the weight back that I had lost and gained 15 more pounds. On March 6th Zak and I joined a gym and started working out the next day. Our gym offers some great things in our membership costs, including fitness evaluations every 30 days and program development. We had our fitness evaluation on the 8th, and my numbers were a tough pill to swallow. I weighed in at a staggering 330 pounds, with a body fat percentage of 46.8. During this evaluation, I learned how many pounds of fat I have on my body and how much lean body mass I possess. As of the 8th, I have 149 pounds of body fat and 177 pounds of lean body mass. Honestly, the lean body mass number surprised me. The trainer I worked with told me that if I wanted to be 22% body fat, if I did not gain any lean body mass (which is unlikely), then my goal weight should be 226 pounds! I was astounded by that number. When I first began my weight loss journey in 2011, my goal weight was 160 pounds because that was in the "healthy" range for my height. I had no clue that my goal weight could not be attained, and in fact, I should be at a lot higher weight than that. At this point, I just cut 66 pounds out of the weight I need to lose. Do not get me wrong, I still need to lose 104 pounds, but that is a lot more attainable than 170 pounds.

I have been tracking my food intake and fitness since the 7th, and I am proud of what I have done so far. My calorie goal to lose 1 pound/week is 2400, and I have been at of under that goal every day besides yesterday. And according to my scale at home,  on Monday I weighed in at 324.6 pounds. That is a loss of 5.4 lbs in 5 days. I have also logged 261 fitness minutes since the 7th, and that's including 3 off days from exercise. Honestly, I cannot wait for my next fitness evaluation next month to see how I have progressed.

Yesterday was an incredibly rough day for me, my anxiety was high from the moment I woke up in the morning. Zak and I didn't go to the gym, and in the afternoon I had a small binge. I did not track my food that afternoon or evening, but I am hoping that it was not too bad of a binge. Today is a new day, and it is going much better. I have tracked all my food thus far, and Zak and I hit the gym. We did cardio and strength training today. My legs and arms are killing me but I love the burn, it means that I worked my muscles hard and they are repairing themselves so they can grow stronger.

Well, I think that my short novel here will be catch up enough. I am going to try to start blogging more again. Not only will it help keep me accountable to my fitness and nutrition, but I am also hoping that it will help me work through some of my anxiety. Until next time!

~Sara~

Ups and Downs

Hi, all!

Happy Monday! How are you all doing today? I’m doing okay, last week was incredibly busy and filled with many ups and downs. Honestly, I’m really glad that it’s a new week and I get to start fresh. This week my goal is to not eat out at all and eat at or a little below my calorie goal each day. I really need to get my nutrition under control and begin making healthier choices every day.

I began last week by doing quite well, Sunday and Monday my calories were quite low and Tuesday I was about 100 under my goal. At that point, I was feeling good about myself and how well I was doing, but then that changed on Wednesday. I had a long day of class and I talked to my best friend when I got home and then I was feeling sort of hungry. Instead of grabbing one of the snacks I keep in the house for occasions such as this, I went online and ordered a big pizza and a few other things. I ate a little of it that night but saved the rest of it for the next day. On Thursday, I was feeling really down about what I had done the night before and wanted to just throw the food away but I can’t really afford to do that. So, I came up with a plan to eat the food that I had bought but make it fit into my calorie range. That planned worked until the afternoon because I had an incredibly stressful morning and then I let my stress take over and I pigged out on the pizza. That day, I ate 7 slices of large pizza and then I had a few other things in the evening. I honestly don’t know how many calories I ate that day but it happened. Friday I decided to start fresh and I did well, I was about 160 calories under my goal for the day. Saturday came around and I was having a fantastic day, I was ahead on my to-do list, my dinner was in the slow cooker and I was on track to being at or under my calorie goal for the day. Around 4 PM I was starting to get hungry and again, instead of grabbing a snack I ordered some food. I ate more than I needed to again and felt unsatisfied after. At that point, I saw how easily my nutrition was consumed by my stress and boredom, so now I’m trying to focus more on my nutrition and making healthier choices.

The few days that I ate too much led me to gain weight for the week. Yesterday I weighed myself and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. I gained a pound last week because of a few bad choices. Last week I sabotaged myself, which is hard to admit but it’s the truth. This needs to stop, now. I know that I won’t be perfect with my nutrition all the time and sometimes I’ll make unhealthy food choices and that’s okay. The thing that I’m trying to do right now is have more healthy days than unhealthy. When I do have an unhealthy day, I am going to try and not eat so much. I went and got groceries yesterday and I made sure to grab a few different types of snacks, so that if I am craving a certain thing that I can eat a little of it and not binge on it.

Well, this is where I am signing off. I have class tonight and I have a few things to get done this afternoon before I leave. I hope that you all have an amazing week! Until next time!
~Sara~

2016, New Year, New Me

Hi, all!

Happy Thursday! How are you all? I haven’t written in so long, so I’m not sure if anyone is still listening. My last post was in August, which means it’s been five months. Honestly, though, I haven’t been posting regularly since the end of May/beginning of June. There are a variety of reasons that I haven’t posted in so long, including that grad school has kept me insanely busy and that sometimes things simply were not going well, so I didn’t post. I have definitely had my ups and downs over the past five months, no doubt about it. My winter break just ended and so many times I thought about posting. I had all of these thoughts in my head about what to say, but I never wrote them down. My problem is that I have so much to say and sometimes I don’t know how to articulate those thoughts.

On Monday, I returned to Seattle after spending 3 weeks in Wisconsin with my family for my winter break. It was a wonderful trip, I didn’t realize how much I missed my family until I saw them again, it was definitely bittersweet coming back and having to leave again. After being back with my family for a few weeks, I realize that after I graduate, I may want to return to Wisconsin to work. The time that I have to make this decision is far from now, so I definitely have some time, however, it is something that I will be thinking about a great deal.

Yesterday, I began my second quarter of grad school. It is hard to believe that I’m a quarter closer to being done, only 10 quarters left. I know that my time at SPU will go by quickly and I need to learn as much as I can from my professors and colleagues. It seems like I just started college and here I am with an associate’s degree, bachelor’s degree and working toward my master’s degree, time flies. Honestly, it feels like I just graduated from high school and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. At the same time, it feels like high school was so long ago, which, depending on your definition of long, it has been. By the end of this school year, I will have been out of high school for 8 years, which is a scary thought. Nevertheless, here I am almost 8 years later, in grad school, with two degrees under my belt already. Life is definitely a journey.    

Now it’s time in this ridiculously long post, to share some of the not so positive things that have happened over the past five months. I wish that I could say that everything in my life is perfect and that I stayed on track with my fitness and nutrition over the past months. Sadly, I need to report the exact opposite. I have not made healthy food choices and I have done a very little exercise. This has caused me to gain back all of the weight that I lost and then some. It is really hard for me to admit this but my weight is up to 321, a new high. I promised myself that I would never see a ‘3’ as the first number of my weight again, but here I am. For a while, I simply stopped caring and let my food cravings take over. I didn’t step on the scale and I avoided looking at my body, besides seeing if my clothing looked okay. Then when I was in Wisconsin, I went to the doctor and I had to step on the scale. I knew that I hadn’t been doing well but I never thought that I would have gained so much weight. When I saw that number on the scale I almost cried because never in my life did I imagine that I would weigh 321 pounds. At the rate I was going, I was just killing myself slowly.

To be honest, I have been really struggling with my food choices. Food has taken over my life again and it is so hard to try and stop. There have been days where I would try to make healthier food choices and I did for part of the day but then toward the end, I was just so hungry. It goes to show how many calories I had been eating, though, it was a very high number. So, I am now trying to plan out meals that are lower in calories and have healthy ingredients. I am hoping that if I eat lower calories foods I’ll be able to eat more of them and that will trick my body into not being so hungry. For Christmas, my mom gave me her old crock pot, so I’m searching for a lot of healthy recipes. I know that doing some meal planning will help me each day and also will help me when I am grocery shopping. I’m hoping that it will help me stop buying all these foods that I don’t need for my meals.

I have written out some weekly, monthly and yearly goals, so that is a step in the right direction. At this point, I’m not going to share my specific goals because some of them are quite personal, but I will share my major goals. I need to simply make healthier food choices, reduce my calories and start working out more again. My most important goal is to break the unhealthy habits that I have created. If I don’t break these habits, my health will deteriorate. My health and life are more important and precious than the foods I desire.

Well, there you have it, I have shared everything that I need to. Life is about to get busy again because my classes have started up again, but I promise that I will start posting on a regular basis. I don’t know how many people read my posts but I hope that my honesty can help at least one person continue on with their journey. If nothing else, sharing what I am going through helps to keep me accountable and that is definitely something that I need. This is a long and hard journey and I need to keep myself going strong along the way. I hope that you all are having an absolutely wonderful beginning to your new year! This New Year is a clean slate for each of us and we can start over. Honestly, I believe that each day is a new beginning and we can become whoever we wish to be, all it takes is a little hard work and perseverance. We can do this! I promise that I’ll post again soon. Until next time!

~Sara~ 

Finally an Update

Hi, all!

Happy Saturday! How are you all doing on this beautiful sunny and warm day? I'm doing alright, trying to beat the heat and just wrap my mind around life right now. Things have been crazy in my life over the past weeks, I was busy with moving, unpacking, finding a job and just living. But I'm still alive and finally able to post an update.

There is so much I want to talk about today and I don't even know where to begin. I guess before I do anything else, I should apologize for not  posting in almost 7 weeks. As I said, life has been crazy. Back on July 10th, my parents and I left Wisconsin and took a 30+ hour road trip to Seattle and then on the 13th I moved into my new apartment out in Seattle. Ever since then I've been unpacking, exploring and interviewing for jobs. I'm happy to announce that I did get hired at a business close to my apartment and I'm starting on the 10th! Then I'm starting classes in about a month and a half.

I adore Seattle, it is such an amazing place. Although I haven't done a lot yet, I feel like this place is home and that I'm finally where I'm meant to be. Whenever I leave Seattle and then drive back, I get chills when I see it, it is truly a beautiful place. This city is where I'm meant to be and I'm so blessed to be here. I hope that I am able to explore it more and see everything that this wonderful place has to offer. An amazing thing about Seattle is that it is so diverse, whether it's with race, sexual orientation, religion and a thousand other things. That being said, the different types of couples that I've seen and experienced here have been amazing and very eye opening. When I was living in Wisconsin I couldn't get a date to save my life, which was okay because I wasn't really interested in anyone from there anyways. However, here in Seattle, it's very different. I've been here for almost three weeks and I've been on a few dates and one is even slowly turning into more than just a date.

My nutrition has been way off, even before I moved, I'm really hoping that once I get into my routine, things will get better. My fitness has been off as well, I haven't been doing anything in regards to fitness. I don't have much room to do cardio right now, but I really should be using my free weights. Amazingly enough, I have stayed right around the same weight since my last post.

Well, I have a special someone who's going to be coming over to hang out soon. So I should end this here. I hope everyone has a wonderful afternoon and evening. Until next time!

~Sara~

Orientation and New Day

Hi, all!

Happy Thursday! How are you all doing on this warm, but gorgeous day? The week is almost over, how are your goals coming along? Plus, it's almost the end of the month, have you achieved your monthly goals? Mine are definitely coming along and I can't wait to share about how I did over this past month, in a few days.

I had my orientation for work yesterday and it was great. There were three of us there and I felt pretty old. The one girl was 16 and the other 18, then there was me, almost 25. Oh well, feeling old is a pretty common occurrence these days. I'm really excited to start my job, it'll give me some experience and I'll be able to build up my bank account a little. One nice thing is that I'll be making more than I initially thought, so I'm pretty happy about that.

Yesterday I did okay with my fitness and nutrition. I did well all day until the evening and I ate a little more than what I wanted. I'm fairly certain that I was still at my calorie goal, but it was more than what I was hoping. My eating schedule was all screwed up yesterday because of my orientation, it was at 4 and I wasn't sure how long it would go, so I ate dinner before I left. So, I needed to move my lunch up to 11 and dinner up to 3. I think that's what left me feeling so hungry last night. Today is a new day though and I will make healthier food choices. I did get a 37-minute walk in yesterday, which left me feeling great.

Well, I'm off to go and workout. I hope that you all have an amazing day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Memorial Day and Progress

Hi, all!

Happy Monday! And more importantly, happy Memorial Day! I am so thankful for those men and women who have sacrificed their own lives in order to save ours. How did your weekend go? Did you make healthy food choices? Have a good workout? I had a great weekend, I worked out once and stayed under my calorie goal both days. The weather here has been crazy today, it's been rainy one minute and then the sun is shining. Oh well, I'll be inside most of the day anyways.

I'm incredibly proud of myself for something that happened yesterday. After church, my mom and I went out for lunch at this delicious Italian restaurant and anyone who knows me, knows how much I love Italian food. Anyways, we had Italian food and I made a better food choice than I normally would have. Typically, I would have gotten a huge serving of pasta and eaten all of it. However, I order a sandwich and some minestrone soup. I even only ate half of the sandwich at lunch and had the rest of it for dinner. Things are changing for the better in regards to my food choices and I can't be happier about it.

This evening we're grilling out, even though it's a rainy day, and I've already tracked what I'll be eating. It is things like this that are different from before I changed my life. Honestly, things are different from even a month ago. Before I allowed myself a 'cheat' day and I think that was where I struggled a great deal. When I allowed myself to eat a higher amount of calories once a week definitely took away from the progress I made throughout the week. Also, I shouldn't need to 'cheat' because I'm allowing myself to eat everything within moderation throughout the week. All of the foods I eat should fit into my calorie goal. Those 'cheat' days really did throw me off because it made it harder to get back on track the next day. So, no more 'cheat' days and focus more on making sure things fit into my nutritional goals for the week.

Today I decided that I'm going to do more strength training and not just upper body! I did a shorter, whole body strength training session today. My session could have been longer, but some are better than none. Hopefully, I'll be able to increase my strength training sessions from here on out. Along with my strength training, I walked for 32 minutes and I'm feeling great! It's especially wonderful because I wasn't sure if I was going to work out or not when I woke up this morning. But I decided that I not only should work out but crave to do it. I never regret a workout, but sometimes I regret not working out. So, I got my workout in and loved every minute of it.

Okay, well I'm off. Time to watch the baseball game and get a few things ready for dinner tonight. I hope that you all have a wonderful Monday, week and Memorial Day! Until next time!

~Sara~

Update

Hi, all!

Happy Saturday! The weekend is here, what are your plans? As I assumed yesterday, I don't really have any plans. Now that I'm done with my Bachelors degree, I have way too much free time. Most people enjoy having free time, however, I don't find it that enjoyable. I would much rather be busy, either because of school or work. I'll be back to being busy soon enough, so I'm going to try and enjoy my free time while I have it.

Yesterday I had another great day, I had a great 65-minute walk and I was under my calorie goal. Overall, I've had a fantastic week, so I cannot wait to see the results of my weigh-in tomorrow. Every day, but one this week the number on the scale was lower. Plus, I was under my calories every day but Sunday. My fitness minutes and calorie burn were great this week as well! I had 320 fitness minutes, which is way over my goal and I burned about 1700 calories. I'm really thankful that I had a good week and that I'm making progress. It's not always easy, but I need to make these changes for my health. Hopefully within a few weeks I'll say goodbye to the 300's for good and never see it again!

Tomorrow is probably going to be another boring day, I just have church in the morning. Maybe I'll talk my mom into going out and walking with me in the afternoon. The thing I'm looking forward to the most is sharing my results with everyone and updating my goals.

Well, I'm off. I hope that everyone is enjoying their Saturday. Until next time!

~Sara~

Nutrition is Key

Hi, all!

Happy Friday! The weekend is upon us already, can you believe it? This week has simply flown by for me. Have you achieved your goals? Do you have any interesting plans for the weekend? My weekend is probably going to be quite boring, I have nothing fun planned.

Before I talk about anything else, I need to write about something extremely important. This morning, while on Facebook, a woman that I "like" posted something that talked about how important nutrition is. Working out is great and I definitely recommend it, but weight loss begins and ends with nutrition. Just a few minutes in the kitchen can erase your entire workout. That's why they say 'abs are made in the kitchen', if your nutrition isn't on key, then you're ruining your workout.
Before I started eating healthier, I didn't even realize how much I was eating. One thing that happened a lot is that I would snack while I was cooking. When I was waiting for something to cook on the stove or in the oven, I would get out some chips or something like that and just snack on them until my food was ready. And, of course, I would eat far too much of my actual meal as well. This is something that I've become aware of and now I watch myself. It's amazing how quickly our snacks add up, that's why I try and track everything that I put in my mouth now. Even a handful of something can add the calories up quickly.

Yesterday I had another good day and it seemed like I was eating so much. That's what happens when you eat lower calorie foods throughout the day. Today is on track to be exactly like that again, I've already logged my breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner, and I'm only at 1200 calories. I'll have to add something else to my dinner, to help get closer to my goal. Yesterday I also got in a 30-minute walk. I'm loving the fact that I am back to walking at least 5 days each week. I have more energy throughout the day, I feel better about myself, I sleep better at night, and countless other benefits.

Well, I'm off. I hope that you all have an amazing afternoon and evening. Until next time!

~Sara~

Fatigue and Numbers

Hi, all!

Happy Thursday! How are you all doing today? We're so close to being at the weekend, how are you doing on your goals? Mine are going amazingly so far, I'm right on track to meet and exceed mine.

Yesterday went well, I worked out and was under my calorie goal. I love being able to look at my weight, nutrition and fitness chart and see how my numbers are each day. It's really interesting to see how my weight changes from day to day because I'm able to analyze why it is getting higher or lower. I also enjoy seeing the calorie goal compared to my actual calories and my net calories. Seeing those fitness minutes and calories burned increasing each day is so motivating as well. I can't wait to see the numbers for the entire month, so I can analyze what I need to do differently to reach my goals.

Today is going wonderfully thus far, I had a workout and I'm on track nutritionally. My workout today was shorter than normal though, only 30 minutes of walking and upper body strength training. My legs were feeling sort of fatigued, so I cut it short. I'd rather cut my workout short than get an injury or need to take off for a few extra days. A short workout is better than no workout at all.

Well, I'm off to make dinner. Tonight I'm having a delicious stir fry with chicken and sunflower seeds. I cannot wait to eat it and I will enjoy every bite of my delicious and healthy dinner. I hope you've all had an amazing day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Wedding

Hi, all!

Happy Friday! How are you all doing today? We've finally reached the weekend, how have all of your weeks gone? Mine has gone fairly well, but I'll talk more about that either Sunday or Monday. What are your plans for the weekend? I'll probably be getting coffee with my best friend in the morning, one more time before she heads home. Then my mom and I will be heading out to get some groceries for the next 2 weeks and then church in the evening.

Tonight I get to watch a friend, whom I've known for 17 years, get married to her best friend. I'm so excited for her and cannot wait to celebrate with her! Tonight I'll be eating some pie at the wedding (they're not having cake) and I'm going to enjoy it.

Last night I didn't have a good night nutritionally, I ate way more than I needed. I had a migraine last night and I think that coincided with my overeating a little bit. This morning I paid for it though, my stomach felt off. It's amazing how my stomach isn't used to eating as much anymore, especially so quickly. Today I'll get back on track though because I won't allow myself to move backward again. Everyone has a day every now and then where they are off, but then they have to get back on track again.

Sorry to cut this short but there are a variety of things I have to do before the wedding tonight. I need to wrap the gift, sign the card, paint my nails and a few other things to get ready. Plus, I need to have lunch quickly before I do all of that. I hope that you all have an amazing day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Marathon, not a Sprint

Hi, all!

Happy Tuesday! How are you all doing today? It is rainy and a bit cooler here, but I love it! :) It's in the lower 60's today and that is absolutely perfect weather for me! This morning my fat caliper came in the mail, I can't wait to use it! :) Also, I went out for coffee with my best friend again and had a wonderful morning with her.

I received a bit more information about the job I interviewed for and I'm not taking it. Ugh! After doing some research on my own, I realized the hiring managers photo was not a part of any of the offices. When I realized this, I thought that maybe this job wasn't legit. Now the website that I apply for these freelance jobs through, has taken down the posting altogether. I've sent them a message asking why, but I have a feeling that it is because the job was not legit. It sucks because this job would have been amazing, but I'm glad I know now before anything more happened.

Other than finding out this crap about the "interview" I was on, I had a great day. I was under my calorie goal a bit and had a great 67-minute walk. At lunch, I ate a bit more than I wanted but I made sure that it fit into my day. This is how my life will go, sometimes I will eat more than I plan or choose a not so healthy option. Let's be honest, all of us will do that from time to time. However, I won't let that ruin my day and just eat horribly for the rest of it, so I make the food/meal fit into my day. I had a delicious and healthy fruit smoothie for dinner and a healthy snack in the evening, even after my calorie heavy lunch, I was still under my goal. This journey is a marathon, not a sprint, and I am teaching myself how to pace myself and complete this journey.

Well, I'm off to make my lunch and then I'm going to get my workout in for the day. I hope that you all have an amazing day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Quick Update

Hi all!

Happy Sunday! How are you all doing today? It's a beautiful, yet extremely cold day here.

It's been 14 days since my last post, sorry about that. Honestly, it has been ridiculously busy here lately. I began my two other classes this past week, so now I'm doing three classes in the next 5 weeks. I also am planning a trip to Seattle because I have an interview for grad school on March 6th!!! :)

I'll be honest, I have been doing horrendously nutritionally and with fitness. I really am trying to do better nutritionally, making better food choices and having smaller portions. I haven't weighed in, in awhile either. Honestly, I don't want to see the number because it won't be something I want to see.

I'm sorry that I probably won't be able to update a whole lot within the next month and a half. I'll update whenever I can, hopefully when I'm in Seattle. I need to cut this short though and get back to my school work, Lord knows there's a bunch of it. I hope that you all have a wonderful day. So, until next time!

~Sara~

Update

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all doing today? Sorry for not blogging for a few days, but I have been busy and feeling off. However, I am back now and feeling much better. My nutrition was very off and I was making many excuses. I did not even really weigh-in on Sunday because I knew that I would not like the number that I saw. Monday I had ever intention to get back on track but I had a doctor appointment where I had a procedure done and I was quite uncomfortable after it was done, so I just took some time to relax.

Yesterday was the first day this week that I was actually at my calorie goal and I was incredibly proud of myself. Let’s be honest, it is incredibly hard to get back on track, but it has to be done. I missed my arm day on Monday, so I did it yesterday and I had legs today. My shoulders and legs are killing me right now but I am so happy! I have changed up my strength training a bit, doing more reps in the beginning sets and fewer in the reps in the ending sets. It really is helping because I am able to do more sets and ultimately more total reps. Typically on leg day it was difficult for me to do all the sets I had planned, but today, I was able to do all of them. Yes, I was insanely tired after, however I still did them and did not need to stop.  

My best friend is going to be home for a week beginning on Sunday, I am counting down the days. Even though my best friend was just home for Christmas, I miss her like crazy. We talk numerous times a week but it is definitely not the same as being in the same city as her. She and I have already made numerous plans for while she is here. Monday we are going out for coffee together and lunch with a few of our friends. We will be getting some delicious Mexican food sometime throughout the week and going out for coffee again a few more times. Oh how I miss that girl!

Well, it’s time to sign off because I need to start dinner. Tonight I will be watching a few shows and hopefully finishing another discussion post for school. Once I finish those things, I will be ending the night with some reading. I hope that you all have a wonderful evening. Until next time!

~Sara~

Weigh-In and Weekly Goals

Hi all!

Happy Monday! How are you all doing today? It's a eh sort of day here in southeastern Wisconsin, both weather wise and emotionally. That loss in the football game yesterday afternoon was brutal, but it is what it is, congratulations to the Seahawks. Now it's time to focus on schoolwork even more and looking ahead to baseball season :)

Yesterday was weigh-in day and I was pretty excited for it, I had a great week in regards to fitness and nutrition. I had 200 official fitness minutes and bunch of unofficial fitness minutes on Saturday. I was also about 1200 calories under my weekly calorie goal before exercise calories were added. I didn't have a huge loss, but the water weight is finally coming off a little. -.4 pounds last week, so I can't complain. Hopefully the water weight will completely come off soon though. 

Starting Weight: 315 lbs

Last Weight: 293.8 lbs

Current Weight: 293.4 lbs

Weight Lost: 21.6 lbs

My goals for this week:  

1. At least 200 fitness minutes 

2. Lift Monday, Wednesday, Friday

3. East 2200 calories daily (15400 for the week)

4. Get through week 5 on my schoolwork

5. Stay positive (no matter my motivation level)

6. Blog 3 days

7. Push myself (especially with my strength training sessions)

Time to go and work on my schoolwork now. I'm about 2 weeks ahead of schedule, so here's hoping that this week I'll be able to keep that pace and get even further ahead. I hope that you all have a great day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Discouraged and Motivation

Hi all!

Happy Friday! How are you all doing today? I cannot believe it's already Friday, this week has flown by, which is both a positive and negative. This week I have not accomplished as much as I had hoped, but thankfully I'm ahead on my homework. I just need to push through and continue moving forward.

I'm going to be honest, this week I have been feeling really down for some reason. I have been feeling so fatigued, tired and lacking motivation. The reason why is unknown, but I haven't give up. I'm working really hard to overcome whatever is going on with me. I'm still working out and eating within my calorie goal, so that is positive. The effort I gave may not have been 100%, but working out at 50% is better than not working out at all.

Part of me is feeling discouraged because I have such a long way to go to reach my health goals.
Last night one of my online friends posted something on instagram that really spoke to me. It said that even if you can't see results physically, every effort is changing your body from the inside.
This is completely true. Even though I haven't lost a bunch of clothing sizes, still have stomach rolls, still have a great deal of excess fat all over my body, does not mean that I haven't made changes.
I calculated the calories of a typical day before I changed my eating habits and the results were staggering. Yesterday, I ate 2171 calories (21 calories under my goal). Before I changed my eating habits, I would eat between 2000 and 2200 calories at lunch alone!?! Then add in another 1300 - 1500 calories for dinner and an evening snack. I would skip breakfast most days, eat a huge lunch, bigger dinner and evening snack. On a daily basis, I was eating between 3400 and 3600, if not more! It's no wonder why I was continually gaining weight before. From 3400 (at the least) to 2200 calories a day. I'm not hungry, I can eat all throughout the day, if I pick my food carefully. Plus, I'm losing weight, so what's not to love?!?

Today was abs day, feeling great after my ab routine! I probably could have done more sets but I will work on that next week. Hopefully next week I'll have a bit more motivation as well. I'll be getting my cardio in this evening, while dinner is cooking. Well, I'm off to hopefully get a bunch of school work accomplished. I hope that you all have an amazing day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Weigh-In

Hi all!

How are you all on this beautiful Sunday morning? It's gorgeous here, a bit colder than it has been but the sun is shining today. On Tuesday and Wednesday, it is supposed to get quite cold here, so I'm not looking forward to that but I shouldn't have to go out in it, thankfully. 
Although it's a beautiful day, I am incredibly bummed. Yesterday, I got a full-on cold. It's been ridiculous, I'm feeling a bit better this morning after taking some medication for it but I'm still feeling pretty crappy. I really wanted to start using my new workout equipment yesterday already but I haven't been able to yet because I'm so congested that I'm having issues breathing while I'm just sitting here. Not being able to breath while working out would probably not be ideal, so I'm trying to focus more on my nutrition until I'm feeling better. Part of me really just wants to lay in bed and not do anything but I know that's not really an option. Laying in bed and not doing anything will just make me feel worse, so today I put on some actual clothes and am trying to keep a positive attitude. Hopefully this cold will pass quickly, so I can get back to my normal routine.

On a happier note, it is almost January! I'm really psyched for it because hopefully I'll get to visit my boyfriend soon. Right now, we're just waiting on his work schedule to come out and then we're going to book a flight. It'll be nice to get away for a weekend, not to mention that I miss him like crazy. My final semester of undergrad work begins on the 12th as well, let me tell you, I am really looking forward to it. This last semester is going to be incredibly busy, especially starting in the middle of February. Either way, I'm looking forward to starting classes again, I have definitely missed them. Going from having 3 classes to none, equals a very boring time. So, it'll be nice to get busier again. 

It's Sunday, so that means, weigh-in day is here. I'll be honest, I was not looking forward to my weigh-in because of the holiday and I wasn't counting calories or working out for a few days. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale this morning. I saw a 2.6 pound loss, so I was quite happy. My next weigh-in for my challenge is on Thursday, and unless I gain almost 2 pounds in 4 days, I'll have met my goal. :) 

Starting Weight: 315 lbs

Last Weight: 295.8 lbs

Current Weight: 293.2 lbs

Weight Lost: 21.8 lbs

How was everyone's holiday? I had a pretty good one. On Christmas Eve, I had a coffee date with my best friend and then went to church in the afternoon. Christmas day, my family got together with my mom's side and then we had a get together with my brother's family that evening. Finally, on Friday, I got together with my close friends and we had our little get together. We went out for lunch at our favorite place in my town and had some amazing conversation. Whenever my friends and I get together, it reminds me how much I miss them all. Most of us live in different states or cities. We're all spread out around Wisconsin, Illinois and Missouri, currently. This will only get worse when I move away, because I'll be the one who is the farthest away. My best friend and I were talking and the next time our entire group is together again, will probably be when one of us gets married, even then it is unknown. 

Well, a very important football game is coming on shortly, so I'm heading off. I hope that you all have a wonderful day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Random Topics

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all doing today? I'm doing absolutely wonderful, tired, but wonderful nevertheless. I stayed up later last night because my boyfriend had to teach last night until 10 his time, which is midnight my time. Being able to end my night talking to him, is worth all the tiredness I feel though. Is it January yet? I am so ready to go and visit him, it'll be wonderful to spend a few days with him. :) Oh, and I just have to mention how proud I am of him because he is officially done with his associates degree, so he is now a college graduate! It took him longer because he's working full time but he never gave up. So, I am incredibly proud of him! :)

Today, I decided that I am going to measure more of my foods. Don't get me wrong, I already do measure a great deal of my food but there are certain things that I wouldn't measure. However, after I measured these things this morning, I realized how important it is to measure them. One of the proteins I was eating, I was probably overestimating the macros for it. Then with my coffee creamer, I was underestimating the macros. So, who knows what else I have been doing that with. From now on, I'll be measuring most of the foods I'm eating.

Over the weekend, my mother made some homemade rice pudding. Ugh, it was so delicious. Thankfully, last night, my father finished it up. Now my evenings should be much healthier. For me, especially with something like rice pudding, it is difficult to only have a little. Typically, I'll just have a FiberOne bar before bed, so it's only 90 or 180 calories. Now, I can get back to that and it should help my weigh-ins. :) My next weigh-in for the challenge I'm a part of is in 2 days, I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping to see a loss and I'm hopeful after my doctor appointment yesterday.

I have been doing really well with my fitness lately, so I'm proud of myself for that. Out of the past 11 days, I have worked out 10 of them. Not to mention that all but one of the days I worked out, my workouts lasted at least 30 minutes. I absolutely adore working out, so I cannot wait until I get my strength training stuff for Christmas. Honestly, I'm becoming restless with not being able to use the equipment when I know it's there. 9 days, I can wait that long. But then I'm starting my strength training and going to amp it up. :)

This post is long enough, so I'm off. I hope you all have a wonderful afternoon and evening. Until next time!

~Sara~

Body Image

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all doing on this dreary, yet beautiful December day? I cannot believe it's already the 10th of December! This month is flying by, it'll be my dad and boyfriend's birthday's soon, only 9 more days. I can't wait to celebrate both of these amazing men in my life, they are each such a blessing. Speaking of my boyfriend, he left for Arizona today because of his job :( So that means we won't be talking as much over the next few days, which is sad, but hopefully I can go and visit him in the beginning of January. It will be wonderful to see him and I could definitely handle California in January. :)

This week I have finally been able to workout again and it has been incredibly helpful. I always tend to do better nutritionally when I am also able to workout. I am also adding more protein to my diet and thus far, it is helping curb my appetite. While, I do know that it may not always help as much as it has, it is a positive choice. In my opinion, protein is never a bad decision, especially since the proteins I choose are pretty low on carbs. Speaking of carbs, my boyfriend asked me if I like carbs or not. I laughed at him because I'm sort of obsessed with them. It just made me chuckle because I love carbs a bit too much.

There is something important that I want to talk about today, that I hold near and dear to my heart. Body image. It is something that all of us struggle with at some level and it is something that I have been struggling with a lot the past few weeks. I mentioned it a little in my post from a few days ago but I want to expand on it.

All of us struggle with body image, no matter your size, age, sex, etc... I've been struggling with body image a lot lately, part of it may be because I wasn't able to workout for a month. Or because I have a boyfriend again and I want to look attractive for him. Or maybe because I've gained back 40 pounds since moving back to WI. It could be anything. Nevertheless, I have been struggling with it. Honestly, it is not my whole body that I am having an issue with, it's my midsection. That has always been the area that I dislike about myself the most. My stomach is larger and it has made my back a bit bigger as well. Although I do not necessarily like the size of the rest of me, I am not as self-conscious about the other areas. I am trying to love myself at every size because if I don't, then I may still find faults in my body when I am thinner. I'm always preaching to others, how we need to love ourselves, no matter what size clothing we wear or how much we weigh. It is definitely something that is easier said then done. Having a healthy body image is a daily battle for me. I need to tell myself every morning, positive things about myself. Even though I may not like how a certain part looks, I do love myself and my body size does not define who I am as a person!

I look at my best friend who is 105 lbs, wears a size 2, and is in phenomenal shape, she still struggles with body image. People of all shapes and sizes wish they could change something about their body. There will always be people who are thinner than you. Have a larger chest. Bigger or smaller butt. Smaller hips. Smaller waist. Leaner muscles. Small clothing size. The list could go on and on. So my point here: learn to love yourself, no matter what! Our weight and clothing size do not define us as a person, it does not show our heart or mind. The best advice I can ever give someone, is to learn to love themselves at any size.

I hope everyone has a wonderful evening. I'll be doing some reading and hopefully texting my boyfriend a little, if he has the time. Until next time!

~Sara~