New Beginnings

Hi, all!

Yesterday I was feeling incredibly down on myself because of the episode of BED that I had the day before. I am so thankful that each day offers a new beginning. Even though I was feeling down yesterday, I did not let that impact my day. My husband and I had a busy day yesterday, I had my social security card changed and changed my name down at our bank. These things kept me busy for a little while and of course, homework did as well. It is amazing how different one day can be from another. On Tuesday, I ate 4,250 calories, which is difficult to admit. And then yesterday was a completely different day. I ate 1,885 calories and did not feel hungry by the end of the night. My calories from yesterday were around what I was eating regularly before when I was trying to lose weight. The calorie difference between those two days was another days worth of calories. This journey is filled with ups and downs.

I was also honest with my husband about some of my struggles. This is something that I knew needed to be done, I cannot hide these struggles from him. Since I was hiding my struggles from him, he was enabling my eating disorder. He wanted fast food, yeah I'm definitely down for that. He wants snacks, totally okay with that. Something sweet, yes, please! When I was finally honest with him, he has gone away from asking if I want some fast food or snacks or sweets. He will ask if I want anything but he would grab me something healthy if I asked for it. My husband is wonderful, he is so supportive of me making healthier choices and was there for me on Tuesday night when I was feeling down about myself for the BED episode. I am so lucky to have him.

I suppose it is time to get going on homework. Until next time.

~Sara~

Ups and Downs

Hi, all!

Happy Monday! How are you all doing today? I’m doing okay, last week was incredibly busy and filled with many ups and downs. Honestly, I’m really glad that it’s a new week and I get to start fresh. This week my goal is to not eat out at all and eat at or a little below my calorie goal each day. I really need to get my nutrition under control and begin making healthier choices every day.

I began last week by doing quite well, Sunday and Monday my calories were quite low and Tuesday I was about 100 under my goal. At that point, I was feeling good about myself and how well I was doing, but then that changed on Wednesday. I had a long day of class and I talked to my best friend when I got home and then I was feeling sort of hungry. Instead of grabbing one of the snacks I keep in the house for occasions such as this, I went online and ordered a big pizza and a few other things. I ate a little of it that night but saved the rest of it for the next day. On Thursday, I was feeling really down about what I had done the night before and wanted to just throw the food away but I can’t really afford to do that. So, I came up with a plan to eat the food that I had bought but make it fit into my calorie range. That planned worked until the afternoon because I had an incredibly stressful morning and then I let my stress take over and I pigged out on the pizza. That day, I ate 7 slices of large pizza and then I had a few other things in the evening. I honestly don’t know how many calories I ate that day but it happened. Friday I decided to start fresh and I did well, I was about 160 calories under my goal for the day. Saturday came around and I was having a fantastic day, I was ahead on my to-do list, my dinner was in the slow cooker and I was on track to being at or under my calorie goal for the day. Around 4 PM I was starting to get hungry and again, instead of grabbing a snack I ordered some food. I ate more than I needed to again and felt unsatisfied after. At that point, I saw how easily my nutrition was consumed by my stress and boredom, so now I’m trying to focus more on my nutrition and making healthier choices.

The few days that I ate too much led me to gain weight for the week. Yesterday I weighed myself and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. I gained a pound last week because of a few bad choices. Last week I sabotaged myself, which is hard to admit but it’s the truth. This needs to stop, now. I know that I won’t be perfect with my nutrition all the time and sometimes I’ll make unhealthy food choices and that’s okay. The thing that I’m trying to do right now is have more healthy days than unhealthy. When I do have an unhealthy day, I am going to try and not eat so much. I went and got groceries yesterday and I made sure to grab a few different types of snacks, so that if I am craving a certain thing that I can eat a little of it and not binge on it.

Well, this is where I am signing off. I have class tonight and I have a few things to get done this afternoon before I leave. I hope that you all have an amazing week! Until next time!
~Sara~