October Goals

Hi, all!

Sorry for the lack of posts the last few days, it's been fairly busy for me. I usually like to write these posts before my husband gets out of bed and he has been waking up with me in the morning or right after my morning workout. Plus, two of my friends are in town, so we have been seeing them in the mornings. Happy October! This is probably my favorite month of the year because it's colder, which for me means, jeggings, cardigan, and boots weather! I adore the 50-60 degree weather! This almost means that I start slower in the morning because of the arthritis and fibromyalgia. Oh well.

As I said above, I have been working out in the mornings. I walk and have my coffee before I do anything else. It is an amazing way to start the day and helps put me in the right mindset for the rest of the day. These colder mornings my walks start a little slower because of my stiff joints. Oh, the life of someone with arthritis and fibromyalgia. I never thought that at 27 I would have these two conditions but these are the cards I was dealt.

I had a very emotional and rough few days. Earlier this week I lost all of my school work and I was 3 weeks ahead, so it was horrid. I went to turn a few assignments in at the beginning of the week and they were all gone. After this happened, I had a few panic attacks and then hunkered down and started redoing the assignments. At this point, I am a week ahead but hopefully, I can get further ahead again. On Wednesday, I went to my doctor and talked more in-depth about my eating disorder. Unfortunately, he does not know a ton about eating disorders so he referred me to someone who specializes in them. I am a-okay with that but unfortunately, I cannot get in to see her until November 14th! That was hard to hear because I can no longer do this alone. I need help from this specialist and I still have to wait a month and a half to see her. It is honestly disheartening. Then on Thursday morning, I was called back to the doctor because he wanted to have my blood pressure checked again. Apparently, it was high when I had seen him the day before and he wanted to have it checked. Well, I go in and have my blood pressure taken twice after I had been sitting for awhile. It was still high both times the nurse took it. So now tomorrow, I have to go back to the doctor and start treatment for high blood pressure. :/ I have never had weight-related conditions before and now since June, I have two. After I received the call on Friday that I need to start treatment for high blood pressure, I broke down. There have been so many other things that happened this week that I was stressed about and then this as the cherry on top. I honestly thought that I was going to binge on Friday but I didn't!! This means I am going on 12 days binge free!

Monthly Goals:

1. Lose 8 pounds (2 lbs/week)
2. Walk 30 minutes/day
3. Eat within my calorie goal each day (Not too high or too low!)
4. Track everything that goes in my mouth
5. Start treatment for high blood pressure and stick to it
6. Stay positive
7. Continue to stay binge free

Weekly Goals:
1. Lose 2 pounds
2. Walk 30 minutes/day
3. Eat within my calorie goal each day (Not too high or too low!)
4. Track everything that goes in my mouth
5. Start treatment for high blood pressure and stick to it
6. Stay positive
7. Continue to stay binge free

One problem I have been having is that when I do eat well, I do not get enough calories. My calorie goal is set for me to lose 2 pounds each week. That is 1990 in calories. I have been eating an average of 1650 in calories but after my exercise, the net calories have only been around 1000 calories. I have been looking at my numbers and I am set to lose over 4 pounds. Don't get me wrong, it won't kill me to lose 4 pounds in one week and I know things will even out but I need to get into the routine of eating at my calorie goal and not a few hundred calories under it and then burning 600-1000 calories through exercise. I never thought I would have this problem. Oh well.

Time to getting working on my school work. Until next time!

~Sara~

Day 3

Hi, all!

It was a scorcher today. I thought it was supposed to be fall now? Thankfully by the middle of next week, it is supposed to be in the 60's, let's hope it stays that way or cools off a little more. Yesterday was another busy day for us, Zak had an appointment right away and then we had to go to the
DMV to get my license changed. Plus, I began working on our thank you cards and did homework. Yesterday was generally a good day for me, I worked out and stayed within my calorie goal again. That is day 2 without a binge.

Moving on to today, it has been a good day. I saw my spinal specialist again for the arthritis and he is looking at doing another injection in my back. The first one I received did not offer any relief, unfortunately, but we are hopeful that this next one will be helpful. One thing that will also hopefully help the arthritis is losing weight. This is something that I am trying hard to stick with because it could reduce my pain. I am proud to admit that as of 7PM, I have not even had a desire to binge. This is day 3 and things are going well. I am so proud of myself. Another stride I made today is that I posted a quote on Instagram about recovering from an eating disorder. This is the first time I have posted publically where my friends and family can see it about my eating disorder. I am overwhelmed by the support that I received.

It is difficult for me to remember sometimes that I do not need as much food as I was having before. Smaller amounts can and will fill me up. My husband and I went to Subway for dinner and I ordered a sub. I ordered the footlong because that is my routine and I have only eaten half of it. I have may the other half later as my evening snack but it all fits into my calorie goal.

Until next time.

~Sara~

Mental and Physical Health Issues and More Changes

Hello? Is anyone there?

I am so sorry for the five-month gap between posts. My life has been insanely busy since my last post. Let me fill you in on life since April. Zak and I have been here in Wisconsin since February/March. We have been planning our wedding and we got married 8 days ago! I am now married. A wife. I honestly cannot believe it. It is still strange to call Zak my husband now instead of my fiance. Even though it is different, I love it. On top of getting married, we moved into a new house not long before the wedding. So, we are trying to get all of it organized and put together nicely. Zak and I have both also started school. Zak started college and he is going for two associates degrees in Technical Support and Network Support Specialist. And I switched some things around with my schooling, I am now pursuing a Ph.D. in Psychology with a focus in teaching. With that degree, I aspire to become a professor.

Not all of the things that have happened have been happy things, unfortunately. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Severe Panic Disorder, self-diagnosed Binge Eating Disorder, and Arthritis in my lowest vertebrae. The GAD and Panic Disorder are being treated, thankfully. It has been a long road to get to this point in these two diagnoses. In July I was diagnosed with arthritis and it was extremely difficult to hear. I have been in physical therapy since July and recently have seen a Spinal Specialist. I received an injection in my back yesterday, so I am hoping that it will relieve some of the pain. Arthritis has affected me more than any other physical problem has in the past. I still have Fibromyalgia and have been dealing with that for over 10 years now. The Fibromyalgia runs on my mom's side of the family, so it was not as difficult to hear. When I heard the word arthritis though, I was thrown for a loop. I was 26 years old and have a degenerative disease in my vertebrae. And the worst part, being obese for all of my adult life and being heavier while I was growing up probably contributed greatly to that. Let that process for a minute. My weight problems probably contributed to this. Smack in the face, over and over again. After I heard my doctor say those words, I continuously played these "what if" scenarios in my head. What if I had lost the weight and kept it off in 2010-2012, would this have happened? What if I had maintained the weight loss I had in 2012? What if I would have lost the weight in high school? And of course, they why's came too. Why is this happening to me? I already have so many other things on my plate, why is this happening? And more of the like. I have somewhat gotten to the point of acceptance now but the BED, GAD, and Panic all run away with it and use it as an excuse to be depressed and eat my feelings. It is a vicious cycle.

On a happier note, I am now trying to look ahead and move forward. I am taking things one day at a time. One hour at a time. One second at a time. That is all I can do. I have a desire to eat well and work out but these physical and mental health issues make it difficult. One of my problems is that when I cannot workout, then I do not want to eat well. Now that I have had that injection, I am trying to move a little more and I hope that I will be able to make better food choices as well. I have a goal that I desperately want to achieve, by the time I walk across the stage to get the diploma for my Ph.D., I want to be at my goal weight. Even if losing the weight does not take the pain away from arthritis, this is something I want for myself and my husband. I desire to be the best I can be for him, for us. This is something that I will pursue until I attain it.

I hope that my next post will not be so long and far between as last time.

Until next time!

~Sara~