Hello? Is anyone there?
I am so sorry for the five-month gap between posts. My life has been insanely busy since my last post. Let me fill you in on life since April. Zak and I have been here in Wisconsin since February/March. We have been planning our wedding and we got married 8 days ago! I am now married. A wife. I honestly cannot believe it. It is still strange to call Zak my husband now instead of my fiance. Even though it is different, I love it. On top of getting married, we moved into a new house not long before the wedding. So, we are trying to get all of it organized and put together nicely. Zak and I have both also started school. Zak started college and he is going for two associates degrees in Technical Support and Network Support Specialist. And I switched some things around with my schooling, I am now pursuing a Ph.D. in Psychology with a focus in teaching. With that degree, I aspire to become a professor.
Not all of the things that have happened have been happy things, unfortunately. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Severe Panic Disorder, self-diagnosed Binge Eating Disorder, and Arthritis in my lowest vertebrae. The GAD and Panic Disorder are being treated, thankfully. It has been a long road to get to this point in these two diagnoses. In July I was diagnosed with arthritis and it was extremely difficult to hear. I have been in physical therapy since July and recently have seen a Spinal Specialist. I received an injection in my back yesterday, so I am hoping that it will relieve some of the pain. Arthritis has affected me more than any other physical problem has in the past. I still have Fibromyalgia and have been dealing with that for over 10 years now. The Fibromyalgia runs on my mom's side of the family, so it was not as difficult to hear. When I heard the word arthritis though, I was thrown for a loop. I was 26 years old and have a degenerative disease in my vertebrae. And the worst part, being obese for all of my adult life and being heavier while I was growing up probably contributed greatly to that. Let that process for a minute. My weight problems probably contributed to this. Smack in the face, over and over again. After I heard my doctor say those words, I continuously played these "what if" scenarios in my head. What if I had lost the weight and kept it off in 2010-2012, would this have happened? What if I had maintained the weight loss I had in 2012? What if I would have lost the weight in high school? And of course, they why's came too. Why is this happening to me? I already have so many other things on my plate, why is this happening? And more of the like. I have somewhat gotten to the point of acceptance now but the BED, GAD, and Panic all run away with it and use it as an excuse to be depressed and eat my feelings. It is a vicious cycle.
On a happier note, I am now trying to look ahead and move forward. I am taking things one day at a time. One hour at a time. One second at a time. That is all I can do. I have a desire to eat well and work out but these physical and mental health issues make it difficult. One of my problems is that when I cannot workout, then I do not want to eat well. Now that I have had that injection, I am trying to move a little more and I hope that I will be able to make better food choices as well. I have a goal that I desperately want to achieve, by the time I walk across the stage to get the diploma for my Ph.D., I want to be at my goal weight. Even if losing the weight does not take the pain away from arthritis, this is something I want for myself and my husband. I desire to be the best I can be for him, for us. This is something that I will pursue until I attain it.
I hope that my next post will not be so long and far between as last time.
Until next time!
~Sara~
I am so sorry for the five-month gap between posts. My life has been insanely busy since my last post. Let me fill you in on life since April. Zak and I have been here in Wisconsin since February/March. We have been planning our wedding and we got married 8 days ago! I am now married. A wife. I honestly cannot believe it. It is still strange to call Zak my husband now instead of my fiance. Even though it is different, I love it. On top of getting married, we moved into a new house not long before the wedding. So, we are trying to get all of it organized and put together nicely. Zak and I have both also started school. Zak started college and he is going for two associates degrees in Technical Support and Network Support Specialist. And I switched some things around with my schooling, I am now pursuing a Ph.D. in Psychology with a focus in teaching. With that degree, I aspire to become a professor.
Not all of the things that have happened have been happy things, unfortunately. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Severe Panic Disorder, self-diagnosed Binge Eating Disorder, and Arthritis in my lowest vertebrae. The GAD and Panic Disorder are being treated, thankfully. It has been a long road to get to this point in these two diagnoses. In July I was diagnosed with arthritis and it was extremely difficult to hear. I have been in physical therapy since July and recently have seen a Spinal Specialist. I received an injection in my back yesterday, so I am hoping that it will relieve some of the pain. Arthritis has affected me more than any other physical problem has in the past. I still have Fibromyalgia and have been dealing with that for over 10 years now. The Fibromyalgia runs on my mom's side of the family, so it was not as difficult to hear. When I heard the word arthritis though, I was thrown for a loop. I was 26 years old and have a degenerative disease in my vertebrae. And the worst part, being obese for all of my adult life and being heavier while I was growing up probably contributed greatly to that. Let that process for a minute. My weight problems probably contributed to this. Smack in the face, over and over again. After I heard my doctor say those words, I continuously played these "what if" scenarios in my head. What if I had lost the weight and kept it off in 2010-2012, would this have happened? What if I had maintained the weight loss I had in 2012? What if I would have lost the weight in high school? And of course, they why's came too. Why is this happening to me? I already have so many other things on my plate, why is this happening? And more of the like. I have somewhat gotten to the point of acceptance now but the BED, GAD, and Panic all run away with it and use it as an excuse to be depressed and eat my feelings. It is a vicious cycle.
On a happier note, I am now trying to look ahead and move forward. I am taking things one day at a time. One hour at a time. One second at a time. That is all I can do. I have a desire to eat well and work out but these physical and mental health issues make it difficult. One of my problems is that when I cannot workout, then I do not want to eat well. Now that I have had that injection, I am trying to move a little more and I hope that I will be able to make better food choices as well. I have a goal that I desperately want to achieve, by the time I walk across the stage to get the diploma for my Ph.D., I want to be at my goal weight. Even if losing the weight does not take the pain away from arthritis, this is something I want for myself and my husband. I desire to be the best I can be for him, for us. This is something that I will pursue until I attain it.
I hope that my next post will not be so long and far between as last time.
Until next time!
~Sara~
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