So many things have happened over the past week and I have just
been too busy to write about them. But I'll go into all of those things later.
I read a post on a
weight loss forum and I saw just how much we (especially women) compare
ourselves to others. A 19 year old girl who has lost 100 pounds was saying just
how big her hips are (39 inches). Personally, I don't think that to be very
large and many other people who commented shared in my thoughts. But I decided
to go to this girls profile and do some research. I wanted to see where
she was in her weight loss and where she started. She had written on her
profile that when she started, she was wearing the same size pants that I wore
when I started. So I have a general idea of where her hip size started,
probably not far from where I started. I completely understand where she is
coming from; we all compare ourselves to other people and believe that certain
body parts to too big or too small. What we have is never enough most of the
time. This fact makes me so sad, probably because I see it in myself way too
often. Even when with my fiancé, he will tell me how beautiful I am and in my
mind I am comparing myself to other women and thinking that he may love me more
if I looked more like them. But it's so stupid, he fell in love with me, even
though I weigh what I do. And this is even more why I am trying to work on my
self-image, no matter what weight I am. Because if I can't love myself now, how
will I love myself when I am thinner? And hey, I'm not looking to be thin, I'm
looking to be healthy; there's a major difference.
I had been doing
really well with my Couch to 5K program, but I’ve gotten sick and that has set
me back. Before I started, I wasn't really doing much exercise, just light
walking. But now (before I got sick) I’m walking at least 4 days a week and
going at least 1 mile every day, typically more than that though. In 3 short weeks,
I will be at 3.1 miles or a 5K :) After I achieve that, I will begin working on
decreasing my 5K time. I am sure that I will have a long way to go because it
took me over 30 minutes to walk 1.75 miles. But I will achieve my goal of a 5K
in under 30 minutes; I just need to work hard for it.
We had a huge snow
storm last week; we ended up getting 20.5 inches and then a few days later we
got about 3 or 4 more inches. Honestly, I hate this weather and sadly my love
is jealous that he doesn't have the snow. I think he's crazy, but I still love
him very much. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though because he is from
a country where they don't often get snow. He is way too excited to come here
so he can have snow every winter instead of the high 60's, low 70's weather
they are having. I would gladly switch weather with him though, 60's and 70’s
sound wonderful right about now.
I was freakishly stressed out one day last week. My fiancé and I
were in a huge argument mostly because being so far apart is getting
harder and harder each day. We just want to be together more than anything and
it's so hard without each other. It got to be really bad at one point and his
internet kept on turning off (it does that quite often) and that just made
everything even worse. But when I woke the next morning, we talked it all
through and everything is back to normal now. These types of arguments just
show me how much we want to be together and that we can work through the tough
times together. I love that man more and more every day, I can't wait to spend
my life with him.
I have been doing
horribly with my eating and exercise the past week. It makes me even madder
because I had been doing so well, but it is what it is and all I can do is get
back on track. This week and this weather is making it even worse. Let me do a
little explaining, this past week has been crazy, very much unscheduled. Because
of your big snow storm my mom was off work the Thursday and Friday before
Christmas vacation. Having people around constantly is making it more difficult
to get into my workout routine. Plus it has been so cold here lately, and my
joints are disliking it greatly. So even when I have an opportunity to work out,
I am hurting too much to do anything. But I started taking some vitamin D, so I
am hoping that will help with the pain. It won't be warming up anytime soon,
but what do you expect living in Wisconsin? And now I’ve got a sinus and upper
respiratory infection, but I’m on some antibiotics so hopefully all of this
will clear up within the next week or so.
Tomorrow (January 1st) I'm starting the 30 day shred,
I've heard that it's a pretty tough workout but that many people have gotten
really great results from it. So I am hoping it will kick start my
weight loss for the year and help me lose some inches. I’m even more nervous
about it now because of my sickness but I’m going to give it a go tomorrow. We
will see how it goes and I’ll do modifications if needed. I am also thinking
about joining a challenge for January as well, I’ve got to kick my butt into
gear and get into a workout routine. 2013 will be my year to make big changes
in my life, my fiancé and I will finally be together (as long as everything
goes as planned), I will make a large dent in my weight loss goals, and I will
continue to work on myself emotionally.
I am hoping to be
able to get my visa by sometime in February and then be able to head over to be
with my love after that. Being with him cannot come soon enough. This time of
year doesn't make things any easier, its Christmas time and his birthday soon
and that just makes it harder. Every time Abid and I talk, I see the pain in
his eyes because we couldn't be together for Christmas and his birthday. Not
only that but just because we want to be together every day. It kills me inside
when I see that look in his eyes, because I know that it's my fault.
I did get the
nicest compliment from my future mother-in-law a few days ago; she came
on Skype while I was talking to Abid. And she told me that it looks
like I've lost weight since the last time we spoke. It was a much needed
compliment because I haven't been able to work out much lately and my diet has
been off. But anyways, it is Abid’s 24th birthday tomorrow and
I really wish that I could be there celebrating with him. He’s so sweet though,
he’s going to be on Skype with me while he and his family celebrates. Abid
wants to make sure that I feel included in his celebration, just another reason
why I love him so much. Today I have been in the process of writing Abid
something for his birthday, since we can’t be together. It’s nothing big but I
just wanted to do a little something for him.
But I suppose, I should continue working on my gift for Abid. So
until next time.
~Sara~
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