Tuesday, November 6, 2012

1 Year Day 46 (Day 411)

Yesterday I was feeling so many different emotions, I wanted to blog about it then but it's probably a good thing I didn't because looking back on it now, things will come to me much better. It was filled with anger, sadness, pain, motivation, happiness, and falling even deeper in love. And yes, I know all of those feelings don't necessarily go together, but they were all what I was experiencing. I will explain why I felt all of those things.
            First was anger, which was the emotion that consumed me for most of the day. My fiancĂ© and I had a big fight which does not happen very often and that got me very down. And with our time difference it was even worse because we were not able to talk things through until last night (and the fight started yesterday morning). So all day I just sort of sat stewing which made things even worse. Next was sadness, I was sad that my fiancĂ© and I were fighting. And I honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. I mean, we both still knew that we loved each other but that was our first really big fight. So I didn’t know where it would leave us emotionally, and that saddened me greatly.
            After that was pain, physical pain, because I was so angry and sad I decided to try and work a few things out at the gym. In that sense, I was quite proud of myself, because the old me wouldn’t have done that. Instead I would have turned to food before, but I didn’t this time. I went to the gym instead and worked through my anger and sadness. But this is where the pain comes in, just a few minutes after I started my workout my leg left leg started really hurting. And I am not exactly sure on why it was hurting. Usually I would have just given up on my work out because of the pain, but this time I didn’t. I pushed through the pain and just took it a little slower, but I didn’t give up.
            The day started turning around and I felt motivated, I felt motivated because I did push through my workout, I didn’t give up. I went for 41 minutes and 5.72 miles between the bike and treadmill. That shows me just how far I can go when I do put my mind to something, when I don’t give up. When I push myself I can get a ton accomplished. Another thing that motivated me a lot was I when I was just about done with my workout, I was on the treadmill. At that point I had done 10 minutes and was ready to stop because my legs were really hurting, so I pressed the cool down button, which has me go an extra 2 or 3 minutes. But I saw how close I was to 1 mile, and I really wanted to reach that mark. So I kept on increasing the time until I hit that 1 mile mark. So instead of having only 12 or 13 minutes on the treadmill, I pushed through and had a total of 20 minutes. And yes, during my cool down my speed was right around 2.7 mph, but I realized that I am able to go longer at that speed than I am at a higher speed. After some thought, I’ve decided to take it a little slower on the treadmill from now on and hopefully I can go for longer without getting extremely tired.
            Next I felt happiness, after my workout I was happy, I was energized. Then Abid and I were finally able to talk again, and the very first thing that we talked about was our fight. It was good to talk to him about it; we were both able to get our feelings out. We worked through everything, and made up. And my final emotion of the day was falling even deeper in love, which was an absolutely wonderful way to end my day. After our talk, we were back to our normal selves. It’s like we fell in love even more after having this fight. This brings great joy to my heart, because it shows that we can work through these things together.
            I’m going to be submitting my visa application by the end of this week, hopefully. J I cannot wait until all of this is taken care of and Abid and I can just start looking forward to being together. If everything goes according to our plans, then I will be there next month. We will be married next month!!! It’s crazy to think about, but I am so excited about it. One thing that I am quite worried about is that I won’t fit into the clothing that Abid’s family is making for me. But I try to stay positive about this; I look at where I started 14 months ago. As of November 1st, I am down 31 pounds and I have lost countless inches. I may not be exactly where I want to be on my wedding day, but I know that Abid loves me either way. He and I have talked about this before, because we both have weight issues that we are trying to deal with. I am trying to lose weight; he is trying to gain weight. And I don't want to say that either is harder or easier than the other because both of them are difficult to do. We are both working very hard toward our goals and I know that we will both achieve them someday in the future.
            This semester is coming to an end very quickly; there is about 1 month left. The official final day is December 7 and today is November 6. I still can’t believe how quickly this semester has gone by, it really seems like it was just yesterday that I moved here to Iowa. One thing that I have been trying to do is improving my grade in my one class and I think I am doing a fairly good job of doing that. On my last test, I got a 96 I believe which is encouraging because I found a better way to study for tests from now on. I am sure that I will earn at least 3 A’s and 2 B’s, so that will keep my GPA above 3.5 which has always been my goal. J Honestly, I cannot wait to find out what my final grades of the semester are because I have worked very hard this semester.
But I suppose, it’s getting late. So until next time. 

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