1 Year Day 42 (Day 407)

Ugh! I am so incredibly frustrated with myself! Tonight I made bad food choices at dinner and I'm paying for it now, my stomach hurts! :( I was doing so well with my food choices and my exercise routine. Believe me, I won't let this ruin me but I'm just frustrated because I know that I could have done better. Why am I going back to my old way of eating? Why? Why? Why? Things need to go back to how it was at the beginning of the semester, eating more salads when I'm in the caf and less pizza and pasta. At the beginning of the semester,when I ate in the caf, I would limit myself to one plate of food and a salad and then I would stop eating. Now because I'm so comfortable at school and have my friends that I sit with, I feel more open to eat like I use to. But I am not going back to eating that way. I will not!

I'm doing a lot better with my fitness regimen though, I went to the gym 4 times this week (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and I'm hoping to get to the gym sometime tomorrow as well. I am proud of myself though, I had absolutely no motivation to go and work out today but I still went. My workout may not have been really intense and I definitely didn't give 100% today but a workout is a workout. At least I was burning calories, no matter how few calories it was. Today I did the treadmill and a stationary bike. Typically, I don't like the treadmill because I feel somewhat light headed when I get off but I'm starting to get use to it. I'm really trying to push myself when it comes to my workouts though, because I really need to get back into fitness again.

This past week has been so stressful, with registering for next semester's classes, dealing with the issue of my family don't being 100% thrilled with Abid, dealing with being apart from Abid still, dealing with the thought that I may not get my visa in time to go to Pakistan over Christmas break :(, and just other school stress. I have definitely been stress eating lately, which is not a good thing. Okay , gotta get out all of my stresses now, so here's my little ranting section:

     First, registering for next semester's classes. Oh good Lord, I am going to die next semester, 6 classes/19 credits. It stresses me out just thinking about it, but it has to be done if I'm going to graduate on time. Here's my schedule, 5 classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 1 class on Tuesday, and 2 classes on Thursday.  I'll be taking a science class (4 credits), religion class (3 credits), statistics class (3 credits), literature class (3 credits), abnormal psychology (3 credits), and cognitive development of the elderly (3 credits). Oh well, I've gotta do what I've gotta do.

     Second, my family. Don't even get me started on this. Honestly, this is one of the things that stresses me out the most. I've always been the type of person that tries to make everyone happy, that's what makes me happy. But I'm finally coming to the realization that I may not be able to make everyone happy right now and I need to be okay with that. And honestly, I sort or am okay with that right now. I need to do what I feel is best for my own life and not worry about pleasing my parents, because I'm doing everything that I can. I want to be happy and Abid makes me happy. Nothing will change that.

     Third, being away from Abid. This is the second hardest thing that I've had to go through in my life, behind losing my best friend. I hate being apart from him, but hopefully soon we'll be together. In fact, as long as my visa is approved in time, I will be his wife next month. :) Goodness, I can't even believe that. If all things go as planned, I will be a married woman next month. Ahh!!! But anyways, I miss Abid more and more every day. Just thinking about him makes me happy and I know that we will be even happier when we are together. I do have to say, that no matter what mood I'm in, my fiance always amazes me. :) I can be mad at him and he knows how to look at me or what to say to just make me forget about everything. Even though we are far apart right now, I am incredibly lucky to have him. And I fall more in love with him every day. Sorry, just had to brag about my love. :)

     Fourth, my visa. I am hoping and praying that everything will be here on time. I'll be submitting the application next week because I'm waiting for my sponsorship letter, and then I'll be all set. It's all in the Pakistani Embassy's hands at that point. I so hope that I can get my visa on time though because I just really want to be with Abid, even if it's only for a few weeks. And then he will be over here for good and we won't have to be apart anymore. :)

     And finally my other school stress, oh you know. It's pretty typical, last month of the semester stress. I have 2 of my 4 papers done but I still need to start my other 2. Plus I'm still trying to analyze some data from my survey's that I had to do for my one class. And not to mention all of my finals, but I will survive.

But it's not time to have a skype date with my fiance :) So until next time.

~Sara~