Thursday, September 20, 2012

Day 364

Okay, so I know I said that I probably wouldn't be blogging until my 1 year blog on Friday but I lied. It happens. :) I have to say that I am so freaking excited to do my 1 year blog, weigh myself and take measurements. Is it strange that I am excited about that? Oh how my brain has changed in a year, but enough about how different I was a year ago. That will all be in my blog on Friday. :) Plus this will be a nice little break from studying. Now onto what I really came to write about tonight.

Today, I have realized just how different I am than most 22 year-olds and just undergraduate students in general. And not meaning any disrespect to those undergrads who are like me, I'm just making an observation of people that I see around me at my school and at other schools. Okay, so I am in my junior year of undergrad at 22 years old, so a little older than most but not by much. As a junior, you'd be 20 or 21 depending on your birthday, so 1-2 years younger than me. That's not bad at all, but it is freaking ridiculous just how different some of these other students are.

So your probably wondering what makes me different than other undergrad students (and even if you weren't wondering, I'm going to tell you anyways :) )

1) I actually care about my school work.

Yeah, I care about my school work. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with wanting to earn the highest grades that I can in my classes? What is wrong with wanting to have a great GPA not only for graduation but for graduate school as well? What is wrong with studying?

I will take one of my friends that I have made here as school as my comparison. This guy is wonderful, he is awesome and I care a great deal about him as a person and friend. He is smart, I know that he is and we have three classes together. But he doesn't care all that much about grades and it saddens me greatly. In one of our classes we sit right next to each other, and he makes class a ton of fun. Since we sit right next to each other we can see how the other person did on tests and quizzes, which I don't mind. And I'm sitting here with my 100%'s on my quizzes and feeling really proud of myself and then I see his quiz. He is barely passing some of these quizzes, and this information isn't all that difficult. (It's matching vocabulary words with their definitions half the time.) I mean, if he wants to have to work even harder at our future quizzes, tests and then our midterm and final to achieve that good grade, more power to him. But he's only making it harder on himself to achieve that good grade. And because we have so many classes together, we talk a lot and we've become friends. I know that he wants to go to graduate school and those grades aren't going to cut it. He's not alone though, there are so many people who are very smart but don't apply themselves enough. So many people could be A students if they actually tried but they don't try. That's what really gets me, most of these people are smart. They could do so much and achieve all of their dreams. And I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but having the most friends at college is not going to help you get that degree or land your dream job. What it takes is hard work and ambition, and a ton of it.

Believe me, I make a ton of sacrifices to get the grades that I do. I don't necessarily go out and socialize as much as most. I may not make as many friends here at college because I'm studying a lot. I may choose to study instead of going to a floor social or a dorm party. (Which is what happened this evening) But that is the choice that I made because I know how important grades are to other colleges. I'm going onto graduate school and I will have at least a 3.5 GPA for it if not higher. Not to mention that the school that I'm at right now gives out scholarships based on GPA, and the higher my GPA the less money I have to pay. And okay, to receive that scholarship I could slack off a lot and still be fine because all I need is a 3.0. Some may think that's a decent GPA but for me it's not. I'm a perfectionist and I expect the best from myself. Yeah, my expectations may be somewhat unrealistic but I just want to do my best. But I also know that I am this way because of how I was raised. For those of you who don't know, my mother is an elementary school teacher and she always instilled the importance of education in me. Education is one of the most important things to me. And lets just be honest, there are not very many good paying jobs out there for someone with only a high school diploma. Believe me, I am not going to school just so I can get a good paying job but I hope to have a family some day. And I'm going to have to help support my family, a decent paying job is going to help with that.

Yeah, focusing on my grades so much is a sacrifice because I'd love to have more friends here on campus. I'd love to get more involved with other things, I'm part of the Psychology club but that's about it. But it is what it is, I made my choice. I just wish others would really think about more about their futures sometimes.

2) I'm focused and driven

Just like I said above, I am focused. I am focused and driven to my end goal: my Bachelor's degree, Master's degree and ultimately getting a job as a counselor. I will achieve those goals, no matter what. I'm not just focused and driven at my studies though, I am that way in every aspect of my life. And believe me, I realize that things in life happen, I know that all too well. But I will accomplish all of my goals, there's no way around it. I understand that things can happen very quickly, I mean who knows where my relationship will go. I could be married or engaged next year or I could be single, it all depends on how things go. At this moment, it's looking more like being married or engaged but like I said, things can change very quickly. Either way, I'll accomplish everything that I want to accomplish.

3) I'm a few years older and gone through traumatic things in my life

Yes, I'm a little older than most juniors. But okay, lets be honest, I'm 22 years old. That's what, 4 years older than the youngest students here. And yes, I've always been more mature than most but it's just ridiculous. There are just some people that I see here and I just want to shake them and tell them to use their brains. These people got into a private university, so they aren't stupid. They just don't use their brains sometimes, and I don't get it.

I have no doubt that my past has influenced the way that I am as well, I have been through a lot in my 22 years. In my freshman year of high school I was harassed by people to the point of having to switch schools. I tried to take my own life between my sophmore and junior year. My junior year I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (for those of you who don't know what it is, it is a chronic pain condition) 6 months after my high school graduation I was in a horrible car accident that took my best friends life. Every day I have to deal with the fact that I won't see her again until God decides to call me home, and I miss her more and more every day. Plus I've dealt with a weight problem my entire life. I have always been a lot heavier than I should be. And I've had my heart broken, but who hasn't?

All of these things have made me into the person I am today. Yeah, it sucked to be harassed at public school but transferring to Central WI Christian was one of the best things that happened to me. I met some absolutely amazing people. Attempting to take my own life probably wasn't the smartest choice that I have ever made but I learned that things will get better. And I really saw who my true were as are. Fibromyalgia, that will be with me for the rest of my life. I'm in more pain every day than most people are for an entire year or more. My car accident, that was and still is the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. But losing my best friend showed me just how strong I am and how much I can go through. Yeah, I miss her more and more every day but I know that she's looking down on me from heaven. My weight, I've been over weight since I can remember. I have never been a healthy weight, but I'm fixing that. I've lost 30 pounds already, yeah I have a lot to go but it's a start.

Well I suppose, that's enough ranting for now. Sorry for making this so long! Tomorrow will probably be another long one seeing that it's my 1 year spark anniversary! :) But I should probably go. I have a study date tonight with one of my classmates/friends, so that'll be nice. Until tomorrow!


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