Sunday, September 16, 2012

Day 360

It has been a very "interesting" week, to say the least. Last Sunday, I started having some dizzy spells which left me bed ridden on Sunday night. And they have been continuing all throughout the week, and then on Thursday they got really bad in the early afternoon. The hall coordinator of my dorm had to call the ambulance for me and I spent about 3-3.5 hours in the hospital that afternoon. Needless to say, it screwed up my plans for the afternoon/evening but it forced me to rest, which is probably just what I needed. School has been keeping me quite busy and I have been somewhat stressed out over it. So I probably needed the extra rest but I was never giving myself that because I was so focuses on my school work. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's also not a good thing to just work on school work and do nothing else.

My school work has been going very well so far though, thankfully. I have done well on all of my assignments and quizzes. We are really getting into the bulk of the work load now, it seems like I'm having at least one quiz/test every week. I am just worried that I am over working myself, like I stated above. Honestly, I try really hard to take time and relax as well but when I have so much to get done it's hard to take that time. I need to though, and I know that. It's time to take a little more time for r

So I have talked about things that are going on in my life and my schoolwork, all that leaves are my boy confusions. I have been talking to a guy for about 4 months or so, and I really like him a lot. He seems perfect for me, but my dilemma is that he lives in another country right now but he will be coming back to the US next year, hopefully. But he has so many of the qualities that I have been looking for in a man. He is 5 months older than me, he loves God, he's my height, thin, has an accent and darker skin. (For those of you who don't know, I'm freakishly attracted to men with darker skin) He is from Middle Eastern descent. He is also sweet, caring, and he listens. It's like he genuinely cares about what I have to say, and that's so rare in guy, especially my age. He always knows how to make me smile and I'm always happy when I hear from him. When we are talking things just feel natural, we don't ever run out of things to say. And his family already loves me, and they really want to meet me.

I know that he has feelings for me and honestly, I have feelings for him too. Let's be honest, I fall for him a little more every day. He and I talk on Skype everyday and I love that time that I have with him. But I know that if I do start dating him, no one will understand. My family won't. My friends won't. Don't get me wrong, my family and friends just want me happy but they also don't want me to get hurt. And believe me, I know the dangers of online dating. But sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith, right?

Plus, my family and friends will love him when the get to know him. If he lived near me, they would love him, so I think they just need to look past our distance. He and I care about each other, and that's what really matters. I feel horrible, I've hidden that I'm even talking to him to my family and close friends. But I'm not hiding it anymore, because it is what it is. I'm not ashamed of him or how I feel about him. Everyone else can just deal with it because I am ready to be happy and he makes me happy. So I'm taking the plunge. I'm taking the risk. I'm doing it.

It felt really good to let that out, I really needed to write out everything I was/am feeling about the whole situation. But the situation is what it is, and I don't mind it. :) But now it is time for this girl to get some homework done. Have to get a discussion question done tonight plus find 2 articles for another class tomorrow. Not to mention that I have 2 tests this week, so I have to study for those as well over the next few days. This sickness definitely did not come at the right time, but I guess there is not really a right time to get sick. So this is probably it before my 1 year spark anniversary blog on Friday. Until next time.


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