Saturday, January 21, 2012


I just really need to do some venting right now! I am so frustrated with anything and everything!

I try to be positive all the time, I always feel like I need to be strong for everyone around me. And so I suppress my feelings even though I know that's not healthy but I feel like I have to. There's no one in my life who I feel like I can be 100% honest with. No one that I can tell everything to. Not any more at least, that's where my best friend always came in. God, I miss her so much. I just wish that I had someone who I could tell everything to again. But alas, I don't. So I'm here blogging instead, I guess this is healthier than keeping it all inside  but it's still not the best. Being positive is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes.

What I need to do is get away from here for awhile, away from my family. Away from my friends. Away from everything that's familiar. I want something new because obviously what I've got now isn't doing it for me. I'm just so lonely here even when I'm surrounded by people. This is not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have to put on a happy face all the time, because that's what I do now. No one, besides God knows how I really feel every day. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with parts of my life but other parts I'm so desperately unhappy. And yeah, I'm lonely in the sense of being single but that's not the main way. The main way is just in general. For almost 2 months now, I've been at home pretty much everyday by myself all day. Then when people came home, things didn't change. Most of the time I just feel like I'm not good enough for my parents taste. Like, I should be doing more. My mom always compares to other people, whether it's my sister-in-law, some of my friends or her when she was my age. I'm not them. I'm me. I'm different. What she can handle is not what I can handle. I just want her to understand that I'm not them, I'm me. I've told her this before, and she still doesn't get it. And she wonders why I never want to tell her anything.

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