Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Random Tangent

I just have a tremendous urge to blog tonight. My mind is just going a mile a minute and I need to get my feelings out. So please don't mind my tangent. :) 

Tonight I had my young adult church group, and I had a good time but it just made my mind really wander. It wandered in all directions, about my future, my present and my past. About school. About my spiritual life. Really anything and everything. What does my future hold? Why is my present the way it is? And why did I do the things that I did in the past? Honestly, I don't have any regrets in my past but there are things that I'm really ashamed of. Things that no one knows about me. I mean, I know that everything in my past has shaped me into the person I am today but I just don't get it. My past cannot be changed and I accept that but I just wish I knew what God's plan was for those things. Was it to teach me a lesson? To help someone else in the future? Or something all together different? It may be easier to cope with what I've done if I understood what role it plays in my future.

One thing that I'm thinking about almost constantly is my college future. I am 100% set on Providence CC, if I get accepted I will definitely go there. At this point, I'm not even looking at other colleges, but there's a chance that I won't get accepted. I need to have patience but this is such a big thing. I'm really trying my hardest to not stress out over this but this is one of the biggest decisions of my life so far. The waiting game just truly sucks, majorly. I just want to know, am I accepted or should I keep looking? Ugh!!! 
On that note, I'm reading this daily devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. What a fabulous devotional. January 6th devotional was definitely something that I needed to hear and continue to think about daily. 
It states:
I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. Come to me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask my spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon me, to trust me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see my power and glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for my glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life. 
The verses that go along with this is Ephesians 3:20-21, Romans 8:6, Isaiah 40:30-31 and Revelation 5:13. I really feel the need to write out those verses on here as well, so here they are.
Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Romans 8:6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.
Isaiah 40: 30-31 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Revelation 5:13  Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" 
All I can say after reading these verses is Amen! These truths are something that I try to tell myself daily. God is in control, He has my life planned out completely. He has everyone's life planned out completely. Why am I so worried about everything? This really makes me think about my all-time favorite verses. That would be
Luke 12:6-7 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
None of us are forgotten by God. He had a plan for us from the beginning of time, before any of us were born. I do find comfort in that and I know that I'm not the only person in the world who worries. In fact, I know tons and tons of people who worry, but it's when we don't turn to God that things go down hill. We need to rely more on Him and not so much on ourselves. Because without God, we're nothing. We just go through life without any purpose and what's the point in that? That's why I try to rely on God for everything. I give thanks to God daily because He gives my life purpose.

Ha, wow, this turned into a spiritual rant. Oh well, it was really nice to just say what I needed to say. Sometimes we all just need to vent and if we don't have someone or don't want to bother someone with everything, I think that writing it out is one of the best ways to do it. So I'm really thankful for this blog, and I know that I'll look back on these postings sometime in the future and see just how much I've grown. That's the beauty of it. But I suppose, this was a much needed rant and it helped me to really just talk through things and get to the point which I knew deep down. Thanks for listening.
Until tomorrow.


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