Sunday, January 22, 2012

End of my rope

Tonight, I just got to the end of my rope. I've been serious about my weight loss since September 2011, and I've lost 22 lbs so far but tonight I'm realizing just how much I'm sick and tired of being obese.

I hate being one of the largest people in the room at all times. I hate the stares I get from people. I hate being in a restaurant and seeing people stare at what I'm eating. I hate having to shop in specialty stores or in a different section of a store. I hate seeing double digit clothing sizes. I hate having my stomach be so large. I hate the mirror. I hate my flabby arms. I hate my big thighs. I hate my shapeless butt. I hate seeing an X before my shirt size. (From the x-rays that I've seen of myself, I am big boned, so I'll never be tiny, but I want to be healthy) I hate being tired half the time. I hate my rolls. I hate how I look in a swim suit. I hate tiring out from running in 2 or 3 minutes.

There are no more excuses, I'm done with feeling like this. From here on out I am going to try even harder to lose weight. Because I never want to feel like this again. I want to look in the mirror and say that I look fabulous. I want to be able to walk into any store and be able to just pull something off the rack and have it look amazing on me. I want to be able to walk up the stairs without being out of breathe. I want to have people staring at me because of how good I look. I want to be more comfortable in my own skin. I want to wear a bikini and look gorgeous in it. I want to run a 5K without stopping.

Never again will I wear double digit clothing sizes, weigh as much as I do, be out of breath from climbing the stairs, make excuses, feel sorry for myself, feel horrible about my food choices, be able to eat so much in one sitting, will I think that the number on the scale is the most important thing.

I am so much more than what the scale says, I am beautiful no matter what. So I will never relate my worth to what the scale says because it does not describe me. I am a wonderful person inside and out, no matter what anyone else tells me. I will be great. I will be confident. I will love myself. Nothing is impossible. I can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. This picture explains it all:

This time I won't ever quit. This is my new lifestyle and I love every minute of it. The time is now. Carpe Diem. Nothing with ever stop me.

You may not know me now, but you will by the end of everything.


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