Frustrations

Hi, all!

Today has been rather ify. I started off the morning feeling fantastic because I had made it to 5 days binge free. And I will say that I am still binge free but there was a close call for a few hours earlier today. At around 10AM I went to submit some school work and I found out that I lost everything for this week and the next few weeks. I went into full panic mode and had a rough panic attack. Until around 12:30 I fought off a binge hard. By then I won the battle! I did not binge today and I am so freaking proud of myself. Day 6 binge free is almost complete and I cannot wait to write tomorrow that I am working on 1-week binge free. There have been a few times where I almost gave in today but my mindset is changing. I knew that binging would not change my situation, all of my work would still be lost and I would have just set myself back.

In addition to almost binging, something else that brought my day down some was the fact that I was finally able to weigh myself today. The number on the scale was appalling and I was not expecting it at all. Even thinking about it now is really hard...

Starting Weight: ??

Current Weight: 343.6

Pounds Lost: -

Well, there it is, I am being honest about all of this, even when it is difficult. It is no wonder why my wedding dress didn't fit. I thought that I was around the same weight but apparently I gained 15 pounds. This almost brought me to a binge but instead, I am using it as motivation. I will not let it control me anymore. Losing weight may help to ease some of my arthritis and fibromyalgia pain and that is something that I desperately want. It is difficult but I am determined to finally lose all of this weight and keep it off. 

I am still feeling somewhat down but I am trying to enjoy my evening. Here's to day 6 binge free. Until next time. 

~Sara~

Non-Scale Victories (Day 595)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How is everyone doing today? It's cloudy, warmer and it will probably rain today. It sort of reminds me of how I've been feeling lately. I've been really down lately, feeling lonely, stuck, in a rut, plus other things. I don't know... I have so many things that I want to change and so many things that I want to be doing. It doesn't help that Abid's internet connection has been horrendous that past few weeks, we talked on the phone on Tuesday for a few minutes but the last time we really talked was last Thursday. So it's been rough. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends so much, but I wish more of them lived closer to me.

I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been having a few issues for a few weeks. So he's running a few tests... labs and an EKG. I'm hoping that he'll call today with the results because this waiting is stressing me out. At this moment he says I have a stomach bug unless my test results say otherwise. I'm just trying to relax because everything is stressing me out. I always have to be strong... I have a song that comes to my mind that explains how I'm feeling right now. Yes, this is the Glee version but you get the drift.

Glee Cast – Get It Right (Glee Cast Version)

So today I decided to do something that I have not done in a while, linking up with Katie and Lex for Non-Scale Victories Thursday. I haven't done this in for weeks and I don't really have a reason why. Lately I've been really down though and I need to get back to looking at the positives and doing this will be a good start.

1. I got back to carb cycling this week, even though I'm not feeling 100%

2. All of my old size 20 clothes are finally fitting again

3. I have a yearning to exercise (even though the doctor has told me not to until I get my test results back)

4. Even though I've been feeling down, I have not turned to food

5. I have not snacked in the evening at all this week

On a happier note... it is Thursday so that means Glee is on. :) I'm quite excited about it, although it's the season finale and I've read that it is going to be quite emotional. If any of you know me, you'll know that I'm not much of a movie/TV crier but I guess we shall see this evening. But it's time for some homework. So until next time.

~Sara~