October Goals

Hi, all!

Sorry for the lack of posts the last few days, it's been fairly busy for me. I usually like to write these posts before my husband gets out of bed and he has been waking up with me in the morning or right after my morning workout. Plus, two of my friends are in town, so we have been seeing them in the mornings. Happy October! This is probably my favorite month of the year because it's colder, which for me means, jeggings, cardigan, and boots weather! I adore the 50-60 degree weather! This almost means that I start slower in the morning because of the arthritis and fibromyalgia. Oh well.

As I said above, I have been working out in the mornings. I walk and have my coffee before I do anything else. It is an amazing way to start the day and helps put me in the right mindset for the rest of the day. These colder mornings my walks start a little slower because of my stiff joints. Oh, the life of someone with arthritis and fibromyalgia. I never thought that at 27 I would have these two conditions but these are the cards I was dealt.

I had a very emotional and rough few days. Earlier this week I lost all of my school work and I was 3 weeks ahead, so it was horrid. I went to turn a few assignments in at the beginning of the week and they were all gone. After this happened, I had a few panic attacks and then hunkered down and started redoing the assignments. At this point, I am a week ahead but hopefully, I can get further ahead again. On Wednesday, I went to my doctor and talked more in-depth about my eating disorder. Unfortunately, he does not know a ton about eating disorders so he referred me to someone who specializes in them. I am a-okay with that but unfortunately, I cannot get in to see her until November 14th! That was hard to hear because I can no longer do this alone. I need help from this specialist and I still have to wait a month and a half to see her. It is honestly disheartening. Then on Thursday morning, I was called back to the doctor because he wanted to have my blood pressure checked again. Apparently, it was high when I had seen him the day before and he wanted to have it checked. Well, I go in and have my blood pressure taken twice after I had been sitting for awhile. It was still high both times the nurse took it. So now tomorrow, I have to go back to the doctor and start treatment for high blood pressure. :/ I have never had weight-related conditions before and now since June, I have two. After I received the call on Friday that I need to start treatment for high blood pressure, I broke down. There have been so many other things that happened this week that I was stressed about and then this as the cherry on top. I honestly thought that I was going to binge on Friday but I didn't!! This means I am going on 12 days binge free!

Monthly Goals:

1. Lose 8 pounds (2 lbs/week)
2. Walk 30 minutes/day
3. Eat within my calorie goal each day (Not too high or too low!)
4. Track everything that goes in my mouth
5. Start treatment for high blood pressure and stick to it
6. Stay positive
7. Continue to stay binge free

Weekly Goals:
1. Lose 2 pounds
2. Walk 30 minutes/day
3. Eat within my calorie goal each day (Not too high or too low!)
4. Track everything that goes in my mouth
5. Start treatment for high blood pressure and stick to it
6. Stay positive
7. Continue to stay binge free

One problem I have been having is that when I do eat well, I do not get enough calories. My calorie goal is set for me to lose 2 pounds each week. That is 1990 in calories. I have been eating an average of 1650 in calories but after my exercise, the net calories have only been around 1000 calories. I have been looking at my numbers and I am set to lose over 4 pounds. Don't get me wrong, it won't kill me to lose 4 pounds in one week and I know things will even out but I need to get into the routine of eating at my calorie goal and not a few hundred calories under it and then burning 600-1000 calories through exercise. I never thought I would have this problem. Oh well.

Time to getting working on my school work. Until next time!

~Sara~

BED Confessions and 1-week Binge Free

Hi, all!

The day is finally here when it is cooler! We have a high of 65 and it is absolutely gorgeous out right now. Okay, so last night was horrible. I was having this horrendous urges to binge and I had such a hard time fighting them off. I could not fight off the urges but I did not binge, at least not in my eyes. I had already eaten to my calorie goal of 1990, but I could not fight off the urges. So I did eat a little something and that amazingly enough tided me over and made the binge thoughts disappear. I had 2383 calories but that was still under my exercise calories for the day. So, all-in-all, I am calling it a win. And even if it would not have been under my exercise calories for the day, it was still a deficit for me. One thing I have realized is that I cannot be so hard on myself. I will have better days than others and yesterday was one of the others. Not every day will be perfect and that is okay.

Until next time.

~Sara~

Goals and Overcoming Challenges

Hi, all!

How are you all today? It's a pretty nice day here, the upper 70s - low 80s, and tomorrow it's supposed to be 65! Tomorrow is the day that I have been waiting for and it's almost here. I cannot describe how excited I am.

Yesterday was a rough day for me in many ways but I am happy to say that I did not binge. I am 6 days binge free and today is 1 week since my last binge! Yesterday I was close to bingeing far too many times but I was able to fight against them and I won. One thing that I tried to keep in my mind when I wanted to binge was that it would not make my problem(s) better. Bingeing would not make the disappeared school documents reappear. It would not take away my anxiety and panic. In fact, it would only have made those things worse. After I binge, I feel lonely, insecure, inadequate, embarrassed, and countless other things. Not to mention that it would set me back on my weight loss journey. I am working my butt off to get to a healthy weight and I do not want to let a binge set me back. Last week, I am lucky that my binge did not set me too far back but I do not want to take that risk. Before I was trying to eat better again, I was bingeing mostly every day and that is what caused my weight to rise to a new high. I refuse to continue to go through this vicious cycle of eating well and then bingeing. Far too often for me, when I binge once, then I struggle a lot to get back on track. I cannot keep doing this to myself.

Most of my goals for this week are the same as last week. But I am also including to walk for 30 minutes every morning and to aim for 5,000 steps each day. It is amazing to me that not long ago I was struggling to get 2000 steps. Yes, my pain level is still the same as it was then but now I am not using it as an excuse. Currently, I am working toward getting back to 15,000+ steps each day. It is a slow process because my pain is fairly intense but I am hoping that once I find a helpful treatment with my doctor that I will be able to get back to that point.

Well, it is time to get to work on my school work. Until next time!

~Sara~

Frustrations

Hi, all!

Today has been rather ify. I started off the morning feeling fantastic because I had made it to 5 days binge free. And I will say that I am still binge free but there was a close call for a few hours earlier today. At around 10AM I went to submit some school work and I found out that I lost everything for this week and the next few weeks. I went into full panic mode and had a rough panic attack. Until around 12:30 I fought off a binge hard. By then I won the battle! I did not binge today and I am so freaking proud of myself. Day 6 binge free is almost complete and I cannot wait to write tomorrow that I am working on 1-week binge free. There have been a few times where I almost gave in today but my mindset is changing. I knew that binging would not change my situation, all of my work would still be lost and I would have just set myself back.

In addition to almost binging, something else that brought my day down some was the fact that I was finally able to weigh myself today. The number on the scale was appalling and I was not expecting it at all. Even thinking about it now is really hard...

Starting Weight: ??

Current Weight: 343.6

Pounds Lost: -

Well, there it is, I am being honest about all of this, even when it is difficult. It is no wonder why my wedding dress didn't fit. I thought that I was around the same weight but apparently I gained 15 pounds. This almost brought me to a binge but instead, I am using it as motivation. I will not let it control me anymore. Losing weight may help to ease some of my arthritis and fibromyalgia pain and that is something that I desperately want. It is difficult but I am determined to finally lose all of this weight and keep it off. 

I am still feeling somewhat down but I am trying to enjoy my evening. Here's to day 6 binge free. Until next time. 

~Sara~

Binge Eating Disorder

Hi, all!

I am feeling really down on myself today. Yesterday was going really well and then intense food cravings hit. I fought against them for probably 30 minutes and then the BED took over. This next part is extremely difficult for me to admit. I ate 1820 calories over my goal... Even with all my exercise calories, I was still 865 calories over. Honestly, I hate BED. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. It is horrible to lose all control over your eating and you cannot stop eating until you literally cannot eat anymore or until the episode is over. This has been my life for a long time and this last episode was the last straw. Today I am going to be calling my doctor and asking for some help. I can no longer do this alone and I need help.

There is not really any more to say about it.

Until next time

~Sara~