Quick Update

Hi, all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all doing on this beautiful day? I'm doing well and I'm enjoying the day. This week is going by fairly quickly now, I can't believe it's already Wednesday. Oh well, another week will be gone soon enough.

My day yesterday was off and on, I stayed under my calorie goal and I worked out, so that's a good thing. However, I ate more than I wanted to and I ate some chips while I was waiting for my lunch. I logged the chips and made sure they fit into my day, but they were not a part of my plan. Last night I was craving some ice cream, so I ate some and I enjoyed every single bite of it. Let me tell you, ice cream is not a part of my life every day, however, when I want some, I will make it fit into my day.

This morning I had an appointment which is just a few blocks from my house, so I walked there. I decided to wear my HRM and it's amazing how many more calories I burn while walking outside. If I had someone to walk with and the weather was nicer, then I may just walk outside more. I know a bunch of people who love walking/running outside by themselves, however, I find that to be incredibly boring. If I'm going to walk by myself, I'd rather just do it around the house. To each their own.

I know this is a rather short post, but I just don't have a great deal to say today. I hope you all are having a wonderful day. Until next time!

~Sara~

Mindset

Hi, all!

Happy Monday! How are all of you doing today? It's a pretty dreary day here, but I love it and am thankful nevertheless. Today marks a new week and we get a chance to begin new. So make some goals for yourself, get a workout in and make healthy food choices.

Yesterday I did not have a good day nutritionally, honestly, my whole weekend was full with unhealthy food choices. Today is a new day though and I will make healthier choices.It would be incredibly easy for me to just give in and continue making unhealthy food choices, however, I am choosing to be healthier. I see a difference in myself because before I would be eating the amount of calories I did over the weekend, plus many more. Honestly, I was eating at least 3500 calories each day, and that was probably a lower estimate. Now I feel sick to my stomach when I eat even 3000 calories in a day. What a difference! It's no wonder why I had no energy and felt incredibly lethargic before. Something that also contributed to that was the fact that most of my diet was carbs and fat, I did get a bit of protein, but only if there was some protein in those carbs and fats. When I look at the facts, it is amazing that I only weighed 315 pounds at my highest. If I would have continued on that path, I have no doubt that I would have eaten myself to death. I'm incredibly thankful that I decided to change my fitness and eating habits because I feel so much healthier and happier now. Who knows where I would be right now if I didn't make that change.

Today has been a wonderful day so far. I'm on track with my nutrition and I had a great 68-minute walk, with weights. This week and next week I'm set with a bunch of delicious food, even some for evening snacks, that will help me stay on track. Although some of the dinners are a bit higher calorie, I will make sure to stay on track and eat those higher calorie meals with moderation. Honestly, moderation is my goal. I will eat higher calorie foods sometimes, even unhealthy foods, but I will make sure that they fit into my calorie goal and I will only eat one serving of them, instead of multiple servings. I'm not going to give up the foods that I love, simply because I'm trying to lose weight. I'll lose weight while still eating my favorite foods, but they'll be healthier versions of them or smaller portions.

While I was writing this post I realized something that I need to stop. In my mind, I kept on say bad food choices instead of unhealthy food choices. This is something that I need to reevaluate in my mind because unhealthy and bad are two very different things. It's all a part of overcoming my food addiction and gaining a healthier relationship with food. If I see a food as "bad", that has a very negative connotation with it. However, if I say something in unhealthy, it means that it does not have a lot of health benefits. In my opinion, something being unhealthy is much better than something being bad. I'm going to work hard to change my mindset because it will help me a lot in the future.

Okay, I'm off to get some things done around the house. I hope that you all have a wonderful day and evening. Until next time!

~Sara~

Moving Forward

Hi, all!

How are you all doing on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon? I'm doing wonderful today, a little bored, but wonderful nevertheless. Yesterday afternoon I turned in my final paper and presentation, which means that I'm officially done! Now I just need to wait for my grades and I will officially have my Bachelor's degree! :) It feels really strange to be done with my degree, especially since I went from being extremely busy to not having to do anything. So today has been filled with a few new things, which are time-consuming.

I began applying for jobs today, mostly on this freelance data entry and virtual assistant website. However, I also applied for a few online tutor positions as well. I'm hoping that I will get a few of these positions and I can begin saving up money and paying off some bills. Plus, I'm hoping that I'll be able to continue doing these things once I move because they'll offer a more flexible schedule. When I start grad school in September, I'll need a more flexible schedule because of when I have classes.

Also, I wrote out some monthly goals for May and weekly goals. It's been a few months since I wrote down any goals, but I always seem to do better when I'm working toward something. While I was thinking about what I hope to accomplish, I decided to view my yearly goals that I wrote back in December. God, I am not doing so hot thus far, however, I should graduate having a 3.9 GPA for my Bachelor's degree. So that's one goal that will be completed, plus, I will be starting graduate school in September. I have been reading at least 30 minutes/day as well. The rest of my goals haven't been going so well. There is no way that I will get down to 240 lbs because I'd have to lose 73.4 lbs over the next 7 months. It would be amazing to be able to do that, but it would be incredibly unhealthy. My current goal is to get down anywhere between 280 and 260, which would be 1 or 1.5 pounds each week.

My dad closed tonight at work, so I was unable to exercise right away in the morning, and I almost pushed it back until this evening. However, around when I was going to be making lunch, I decided to bite the bullet and get my workout in right then. I still am not able to do a ton, but I did some more walking today and I loved it! While my lunch was in the oven, I walked and it ended up being 53 minutes. Right now, I'm trying to not focus on the calorie burn but the fitness minutes because I'm trying to get back into the routine of exercising again. My hip is definitely feeling it after walking so long, but I'm icing it down and enjoying the burn.

Yesterday, I have a really good day. I got in a 30-minute walk and I was under my calorie goal. Today, I had a great workout and I'm on track to be under my calorie goal again. Last night I did have a snack, some delicious homemade applesauce that my grandmother made. So, what I chose was lower calorie at least. I know that at times my food addiction will be more difficult, but if I want to overcome this, I need to put in the work now.

Well, I'm off, hopefully, tomorrow I'll have more positive news to report. I hope that you all have a wonderful evening. Until next time!

~Sara~

Update and Addiction

Hi, all!

How are you all today? I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post, 10 weeks. Eek! Sadly, not a ton of things have happened since then, but I do have some very exciting news. I have just a couple days until I graduate with my Bachelor's degree, May 3rd is the official final day! :) Plus, I went out to Seattle for my grad school interview and just a few days later, I found out that I was accepted! So, by September at the latest, I'll be moving out to Seattle.

April 2015

I need to be honest about some now, over the past months I have gained back almost all of the weight I had lost. I'm incredibly disappointed in myself and now I have to start over again. This morning, I looked at my weight chart over the past 90 days and it has been a gradual increase. On February 1st, I weighed 295.2 lbs and yesterday I weighed 313.4 lbs. How have I gained 18 lbs since February?!? That is only 12 weeks, what did I do to myself? A few weeks ago I was visiting my best friend and I saw just how much I let myself go. She loves taking pictures, so she did and I looked so big. I didn't realize that I looked this big again, I almost cried when I saw the photos. I tried to make a change, but it just didn't happen. Then on Saturday I got another unwanted, reality check, I'm up a clothing size and I'm not happy about it. Don't get me wrong, the clothes I bought are super cute, but I'm supposed to be going down in size, not up. Hopefully, these were the reality checks I needed and I'll be able to get back on track again. I have hope because my weigh-in yesterday showed a loss of .2 lbs from the week before. It wasn't a huge loss, but it's a step in the right direction.

Today I worked out for the first time since the beginning of February. I haven't been able to do a lot because I've had an issue with my hip for almost a week, but I wanted to get back into the routine of exercising. All I did was walk with 2lb weights in my hands, but it was still a workout. Honestly, I'm starting from scratch and it saddens me because I use to be able to do so much. Today I was winded after walking for 30 minutes, but at least I'm starting now and not after I gain any more weight. Tomorrow I'm going to walk again and I'll work myself up to more, as I did before.

The final thing that I need to say is going to be the hardest. Time to come clean and admit something to me and everyone else. I am addicted to food and use it as a crutch. I eat not only when I'm hungry, but when I'm bored, anxious, depressed, happy, and every other time. I don't use food to simply nourish my body, I use it to make myself feel better. It's like any other addiction, I crave it to make myself feel better and not because I need it. I'm trying to work through my addiction and have a different relationship with food. This isn't something that will happen overnight and I will have times where I give in and don't accomplish what I hope to, but I will never stop fighting. Changing my mindset is the first thing I have to do, so that's the plan. Plus, I'm going to try to eat less processed foods and more fruits, vegetables and lean proteins.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm off to put the finishing touches on my final and then do some planning for the week. I hope that you all have a wonderful day! Until next time!

~Sara~

Raw (Day 650)

Hi all!

Happy Wednesday! How are you all today? The week is halfway through already, crazy, huh? It is a beautiful day here but it is starting to warm up again. The past few days have been amazing temperature wise but it is July, so I should expect 80 and 90-degree weather. Oh and just a quick warning, I'm going to be pretty raw today and much of my writing won’t be the happiest.

I had a phone interview yesterday and it went wonderfully. My interviewer wanted me to have an in person interview with the next person in line next week. :) I am quite hopeful for this job, it would be amazing. Please be thinking and praying for me about that, I would greatly appreciate it. This job would mean more to me than having a job, it would mean having a routine and being able to better control my eating.

Time to be honest: I know that the other day I posted a blog about refocusing and I truly am trying to but the afternoons and evenings are hard. My mornings are filled with Starbucks and Skyping with Abid but I spend the rest of the day by myself. I try to keep myself preoccupied with homework and other things but it gets lonely. And what do I do when I am lonely? I eat… it is not something I am proud of but it’s the truth. I was stupid and bought a little snack type food, thinking that I would be able to control myself. I am not to that point yet though. So no more snack food in the house for me, I know that I cannot control myself with it yet. I just really need to get back into a good routine and I have not been able to find one when I am not working.

It doesn't help that I'm missing Abid like crazy; it’s been getting harder to be apart. I mean, I’m in this new chapter of my life and he is a part of it. But I want him to actually be a part of it, not just over Skype or on the phone, in person.  I want us to start our life together and really be a family. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to have someone in my life who loves me just as much as I love him. And I'm incredibly thankful that he is in my life but it’s hard.

Sorry I'm so down today, but this is just something I need to get out. None of us are happy all the time though. One thing I love about blogging is that I can be raw and emotional. But it’s homework time, like usual. :) Have an amazing day everyone. So until next time!

~Sara~

Carb Cycling and 30DS... oh and a little Glee (Day 581)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! Can you believe it's Thursday already? The weekend is almost here. How are you all doing today?

I finally get to go home less than 3 days!?! Eek! I'm pretty excited about it, if you couldn't tell. I've been away from home for too long and I'm really ready to sleep in my own bed. Not to mention being able to get back into my own routine again. I can't wait to get back to carb cycling and working out at least 5 days per week. Honestly, I miss doing those things. I'm not able to count calories/carbs/protein/fats while here because I don't have control over the food choices. They always want to snack at night, which is fine, but they always want to have ice cream/gelato, brownies, chips, etc... Those types of foods are just not the type that I would typically eat. Plus I don't have the ability to just go and workout whenever I want to, it will be nice to be able to do that again. But I am pretty excited to finally weigh-in, it'll be on Monday, so a day late but I want to see where I'm at. I think that I'll be pretty on track, I haven't overdone it while being here. Not to mention that that my clothes are fitting better and better each day, even after they've been washed. So that's a great sign in my book.

Once I finally do get home I have decided that I am going to start the 30DS again along with some walking. I saw great results last time I did the 30DS, even though I wasn't able to complete it. I'm really excited for it and that makes me can't wait to get home even more. :)

So the past few days my friend and I have been watching Glee on netflix... we've finished season 1 and now onto season 2. I'm pretty much in love with this show, but I cannot wait until episode 6 because that's when Darren comes on. We're almost there, we'll reach it today. :) It's sort of funny, when Glee first came out I never watched it... hence me only being on season 2. But my best friend had me watch an episode with her while I was living in Iowa and I fell in love with the show. I cannot wait until I'm caught up with it and for season 5 to start. :)

Time to go and watch some Glee and work on my paper. :) Have a wonderful day everyone! So until next time.

~Sara~