Update (Day 658)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How are you all doing today? Sorry it has been a few days since I've blogged last but it has been a crazy week so far. I had my interview on Tuesday and it went okay. I don't really know either way about it yet, I should know sometime next week. And I have not had any ambition to work on my homework this week but today I'm buckling back down and getting my last paper of this week done. And tomorrow my friends are coming to visit me!! Ahh, I'm way too excited about this! :) Once I finish my paper it's time to get started on my two finals due next week and clean my house. Today I spent a long time watching Starkid's A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel, and A Very Potter Senior year and now Harry Potter is on TV tonight. I guess it's a Harry Potterish type day. :)

I have a favor to ask of all of you... can you please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Recently I've really began stressing out over my whole job situation because my money is running lower now. I have enough to get me through next month but not long after that. I'm trying my best to stay positive through this but it's hard when the money runs low and I'm 16.5 hours from home. So it's not as if I can easy just move back home or anything. God will provide something soon, I'm sure.

Anyways... I'll be posting a picture of myself in my hopeful wedding dress in one of my upcoming blogs and doing a recap of my weekend with my friends. :) Time to get back to homework. Have a wonderful night everyone. So until next time!

~Sara~

Slacker! (Day 600)

Hi all!

Happy Tuesday! How is everyone doing today? It's an absolutely beautiful day here, warmer and the sun is shining. I feel really lazy today, although I did get a workout in. I have homework to do but I'm just not feeling it at the moment. Tonight I do need to get my butt in gear though because I do not want to need to get something done tomorrow because it's due. I want to be able to have it done and just have to post it and be able to work on other homework.

Last night my eating was horrendous. I'm not really sure why, but nevertheless it was not on track. Today is a new day though, that's the beauty of it. Each morning we get to start over, wipe our slate clean. So far today I have done quite well with my nutrition and I'm planning on having a healthy dinner. As I said before, I did get my workout in this morning, walking/jogging intervals and then a circuit training video. Halfway through my workout I got a call on Skype from Abid, so I had to cut my walking/jogging intervals short. But I was very thankful to be able to talk to him, that's two days in a row after a long period of his internet not working at all. :)

Abid is so worried about his visa and us being apart. It's really hard for me because I need to be strong for us, when I worry about it as much as he does. I tell him that we need to be patient and stay positive but the worrying is getting to him. And when he worries so much, it worries me and stresses me out. I just pray that the petition will be processed soon and we will have a positive result from it. Abid and I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers with this!

I suppose, I need to stop being a slacker and get my homework done. Have an amazing day/evening everyone! So until next time!

~Sara~

Thursday = GLEE (Day 588)

Hi all!

Happy Thursday! How are you all doing today? Can you believe it's Thursday already?!? This week is just flying by, not sure if that's good or bad. But for me it's a very good thing because Thursday = GLEE! Eek! I'm just a little excited for it... if you couldn't tell. :) But the only bad part is that I have to miss some of the baseball game... oh well, Glee is that important. And by watching Glee, I get to watch my favorite person in the whole world, Darren Criss. Who wouldn't want to see this gorgeous man?!? :)

  

Oh and I want to ask you all to keep my mother in your thoughts and prayers... this morning before she left for work, we were talking. And she told me she has just been feeling so down lately (and I could tell that already... I am a psych major for crying out loud :) ). So please be thinking about her. It's been crazy around here lately... she is stressed out about work (there's tons of drama in our school district right now) and selling our house.

Yesterday I did the 30DS and good Lord I can tell that it's been way too long since I had a great workout. Let me tell you, my butt was kicked yesterday. Now this morning I am really feeling it, my legs and back are sore... but that's a good thing. So today (after my dad leaves at 12:30) I am going to get another workout in, but I think I'm going to switch it up today. I'm thinking maybe some kickboxing or a different fitness DVD (or YouTube). One of my main goals is to get back into a fitness routine and the only way to accomplish that is to workout. This makes me think of two Darren Criss quotes (surprising, I know) :)

All I can say is, well said Darren. He is right... we are the only one's who are stopping us from doing what we've always dreamed. Don't get me wrong, we will have other people who try to bring us down. But the only time that we fail is when we give up on ourselves. So all of you out there (me included) who may need this, here it is. And the second is this:

I thought this one went really well with me trying to get back into a routine. It is very true, we are what we repeatedly do. These are the things that we all know deep in our hearts... but for me it's even better because my favorite person is saying them. :) So I am going to start making routines again, they helped me before, they will help me again. 

Well my dad just left for Minnesota for the weekend, which means it's time for me to quickly finish eating, jam out to the lovely Darren Criss and get my workout on. Have a wonderful day everyone! So until next time.

~Sara~

Yearning of my Heart

Hi all!

It's my second post today... this doesn't happen very often. But I'm feeling very passionate about something, I've been posting about it for the past two days. I'm such an emotional wreck about it. I don't feel hungry (and yes, I'm still eating), I'm not thirsty, all I want to do is go outside and walk (no matter the time), listen to music, it's causing me headaches, I just feel down right upset most of the time. I really want to just cry all the time.

All these dreams that I have in my heart are eating at me, I want to accomplish big things. Help change people's lives. Travel the world. Experience other cultures and live with them. Be married to the man of my dreams. Earn my Master's degree and graduate with high honors. Become a successful Marriage and Family Therapist (by successful I mean, knowing what to say to help and heal families). Maybe have my own practice. Start a family with Abid. Move to a different part of the country. Really experience life and live it to the fullest.

God wouldn't give me these dreams for no reason, I know that I need to live them out. But I don't know how to. My prayer is that God shows me how I can begin living out my dreams and that He will use me in amazing ways. Deep down inside, I know that God is using me now, but I want to be doing more. Typically I am a patient person, but with this it just seems different. I'm yearning for so much more than what I'm doing right now. And yeah, I realize that my dreams will take time. I can't earn my Master's overnight or open my own practice tomorrow or become a successful therapist right away. But I am going to try and embrace life and live it to the fullest now. And I am going to be traveling soon, it's just within the US, but it's better than nothing. I'm going to Texas, I've never been there before, and I plan to enjoy every minute of it and experience as much as I can.

Time for a little prayer: Lord, please still my heart. Help me to accomplish everything I have ever dreamed and more. I know you didn't give me these ambitions and dreams for no reason, so please show me your will for my life. Amen....

Sorry for my little rant, but I've felt so passionate about this lately. I would really appreciate any thoughts and prayers about this. I need guidance in this. I need to see God's will. I pray He reveals it to me.

Until next time.

~Sara~

Year 1 Day 145 (Day 510)

Hi all. How's everyone doing today? Honestly, I'm doing pretty crappy. I'm very emotional and lonely, I have been the past week or so. At first when I thought about blogging today, I was just going to say screw it, but obviously I've decided against it. I didn't want to annoy everyone with what I'm going through but I know that I need to let my emotions out or I will just bottle them up inside and sooner or later I'll explode (figuratively, of course). It's happened in the past and I don't want it to happen again. I'm the type of person who is very emotional but I don't like to let my emotions show to most people. Usually, I try to be the strong, happy person that I always am. I don't like to show weakness because I grew up with a very anti-emotion father. Don't get me wrong, I love my father and he can be awesome but he doesn't know how to show his emotion except by getting angry and storming off. So when I was growing up, I didn't show my emotion that often and I'm still like that to this day. Half the time I don't even like to have my fiancé see me when I'm emotional (it's something that I'm working on because he wants us to be open with each other on every front). 

It's no surprise why I'm so emotional and lonely. I miss Abid and that's that. We talk on the phone every day but it's not for long, maybe 10 minutes if we're lucky. It's hard going from talking to at least 2 hours every day down to 10 minutes at a time. And not being able to see him is killing me inside. I'm really trying to be supportive of him and his decision to take this job but it sucks for me. I hate feeling like this because I'm being so selfish and I know that Abid is doing what he feels is best for us. I do trust his judgement but it's very hard. There are so many things that I don't understand and I don't think I ever will. I am still thankful that we are able to talk on the phone most days and that I know he is doing fine. This morning Abid's phone call woke me up, and as much as I wanted more sleep, I couldn't think of a better way to start my day, than talking to the man I love. But I also talked to his friend for a minute and it was nice because he told me that he's taking care of Abid and making sure he's okay. Plus, he told me who much Abid talks about me and how much he loves me. :) Don't get me wrong, I know how much Abid loves me, but it's nice to hear someone else saying it who is around him. 

I've been eating emotionally because of all of this and after the fact, I feel horrible. But of course, later in the day or night I eat because I'm emotional again. Every morning I wake up telling myself that I will do better today and that I won't eat because I'm emotional or bored. And then every day, I go and eat emotionally again. It's a vicious cycle and I'm starting to hate myself again, this is a step backwards. I was finally happy with myself and the choices I was making and now I feel the exact opposite. So, I need to make a change before it gets worse and I go spiraling backwards. I haven't weighed myself since Sunday but I'm sure I have gained weight this week. But as of this moment, I am going to give it my all to make a change. I need to start wanting this again. Doing this for me and my health. My life is at stake here. And heck, I'm going to be in a wedding in 7.5 months, I wanna look good. :)

I am determined to never go back to how I was before. A girl who weighed in at 315 pounds, with zero self-esteem and hated herself. The girl who thought she was worth nothing. Who thought people would be happier if she just died. Who went from guy to guy because she didn't want to be alone. Who always put on a happy face because she didn't want people to see just how much she hurt inside. 

I'm sorry that I've been so emotional and very whiny/complaining all the time lately. I just don't really have anyone else to turn to in my life because my 2 closest friends live in different states. Plus they each have their own stresses that they are dealing with, and I'm the one that they turn to when they need to talk (just another reason why I feel like I need to appear strong). 

So I've turned the page, it's a brand new chapter and I'm ready to start writing. I do have worth. I love myself. I bring joy to people's lives. I can make a difference in this world. I am worthy of love and respect. (It's time to start really believing this again). Since it's lent, I'm going to give up a few things (I usually don't give up things for lent, but what they heck). I plan to give up most sweets (cookies, cakes, cupcakes, ice cream, etc...). 

I'm having a little emotional dilemma currently. For the longest time, I have had a large yearning to travel and live in another country for a short time. When I first started having this yearning, there was no place in particular that I wanted to visit/live but now I really want to travel by my fiancé and experience life there. And I realize that life would be quite difficult, especially being a woman, but I truly want to do it. Abid has lived in this country his entire life and I really want to have a grasp on what it's like there. I can research and study the country as much as possible but you never really know what it's like until you visit it and experience everything. Now my dilemma is that my family doesn't want me to travel there because it's not the safest country. Believe me, I understand their concerns because I've done research and it can be a scary place. But at the same time, it doesn't scare me and I really do want to experience it. So I don't know what to do. Do I follow my heart or do I make my family happy? I just don't know. I am praying for wisdom and guidance because I have no idea what to do. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I make this decision. 

Until next time.

~Sara~

P.S. I'm sorry that I've been such a bad blogger friend lately, I've barely read/commented on any blogs lately. That will be changing soon, promise!